Boo to talking about UNLV. The Runnin’ Rebels have lingered in our minds all week, taunting us with their swanky one-handed game-tying touchdown grabs, their advanced field goal-blocking methods and their membership in the high and mighty, superior-to-all-others Mountain West Conference. Ouch! We wished what came from Vegas would have had stayed in Vegas.
Bravo to hope. We’ve always heard, whenever a door closes, a window opens. In the wake of last weekend, the football team will be searching for redemption this Saturday against Georgia. The game against the Bulldogs has another interesting subplot, too: Eight Georgia football players have been arrested in 2008. Can they match that on Saturday after the assault they’ll undoubtedly stage on Rudy Carpenter? We’ll see. But really, we’re still trying to have a little hope.
Boo to the economic meltdown. As if pimpin’ weren’t hard enough already, the financial crisis on Wall Street is poised to make everyone start pinching pennies. In a week when the Lehman Brothers announced they were going under, Bank of America revealed they were eating up Merrill Lynch, the generous people of the U.S. apparently said they were saving AIG from the brink of destruction and the Dow Jones seemed to fall further from grace than Tina Turner, we have but one word for the folks in the financial sector: Fail.
Bravo to Constitution Day. The annual celebration of the supreme law of the land might not have been a hit. The primary lecture during Wednesday’s festivities drew, according to our reporter, “a group of about eight people,” including one man who spent the entire lecture lightly strumming a guitar. But while not so many citizens were out commending our nation’s amending, we applaud the organizers’ commitment to the Constitution. It’s not easy trying to revive something that went out of fashion about eight years ago.
Boo to recording artist R. Kelly and his latest boo. This week, an Associated Press story about this notorious creeper came creeping in titled “R. Kelly says he’s not interested in ‘anyone illegal.’ ” In the article, Kelly said he’s looking to “Take a little bit of the edge off, you know? And you know, clean up a few lyrics if I can, you know?” Oh good. This is a big step forward, right? Kind of. When asked about relations with teenage girls, the 40-year-old Kelly said, “When you say teenage, how — how old are we talkin’ ... 19? I have some 19-year-old friends.” That’s shady. Mr. Kelly, please stay away from our staff.
And finally, bringing up the rear is our bravo to ASS, the new acronym of our trusty Academic Success Specialist friends. The campus workers formerly known as academic advisers would probably like to kick our ASS at this point but as questionably mature college students, we have a moral obligation to continue being the biggest ASS clowns possible. Sweet, sweet ASSes, we know you’re not our biggest fanny — er, fan — but it’s all in good fun, so stop being so anal.
