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The first time I heard about the government take over of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, I thought it was a joke.

After all, I was always told that the government does not interfere with the free market. Since Freddie and Fannie are both private companies, the idea seemed out of the realm of possibility.

Perhaps it was my economic naivety kicking in, but I’d like to think it was my logical side.

I’m no economist — shocking, right? — but the whole idea left a bad taste in my mouth.

Then the big news came as a huge number — $700,000,000,000.

America, that’s how much of your money it’s going to take to fix the awful conditions on Wall Street.

All the while, a couple dozen bank and loan thieves are parachuting out of their private jet with a golden parachute in a custom designed skydiving outfit and a $20 million retirement package — a package literally almost all for one bank CEO, Alan H. Fishman.

The recent failure of Washington Mutual left millions in a panic, contributed to financial distrust in banks nationally and of course, gave Fishman a $20 million gain.

At the time of the bank’s failure, Fishman had been on the job 17 days, according to a Fox News article.

I can make a bank fail in 17 days, too. Can I have $20 million? No? I have to pay $2,000 for something I had nothing to do with? Oh, fine.

But $2,000 is what this bailout will cost every man, woman and child in America. Or, as some media organizations so eloquently put it, it could cost each American the cost of 2000 McDonald’s apple pies.

Oh, now that you put it in terms of pies, we get it. That’s a whole lot of pies my fat American ass I won’t be able to eat.

Oh, how I love the perpetuation of stereotypes, but I digress.

So, what? Did you think the government was going to pay for loan mistakes they knew were happening? Don’t be silly!

To put $700 billion into perspective, look at it this way. Bill Gates, although he is no longer world’s richest man, is largely considered a very wealthy man — he is the third richest man in the world. His net worth is about $58 billion.

Warren Buffet, now the world’s richest man, is worth $62 billion dollars. Mexican communications mogul Carlos Slim Helú is worth $60 billion.

If you’re doing the math with me, that adds up to a combined $180 billion.

If somehow the American public rallied together and robbed each of these men to help contribute to the looming economic debt, we will still be $520 billion short.

How’s ‘bout them apple pies?

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