Some say Halloween is only a holiday, and a non-national one at that. It takes place on Oct. 31, and there are few times before the next October that we explicitly think of the ghoulish day again.
But Halloween does not disappear completely during months that don’t end in “ctober.” In fact, it only recedes to our subconscious, shaping our reactions to actions by people in the news; for instance, pirates off the coast of Somalia.
These boat brigands have made quite the splash in the media over the last couple weeks, but those of us living in a large desert metropolis can hardly think of pirates without recalling peg legs, parrots and eye patches.
Pirates rank right up there as one of the most romanticized of old-world vocations, as stories of exciting excursions and charismatic captains in such classics as “Peter Pan” and “Treasure Island” have cemented the doubloon-gathering swashbucklers into our memories. They live on the sea, rejecting staid land life and abandoning real responsibilities, fly a flag adorned with a skull and crossbones, and brandish large swords and flintlock pistols.
Their names are adjectival and entertaining, like Blackbeard, Captain Hook or Calico Jack. We fell in love.
Unfortunately, these corrupt mariners also wreak havoc on innocent people. Throughout history, pirates have made a living by forcing their way onto ships carrying large amounts of goods and holding them for ransom, pilfering on their way. Their diet consisted mainly of bananas and limes, which sounds like a recipe for imminent tummy problems and most died young, poor and malnourished. Not my idea of a good time.
We love to side with Captain Jack Sparrow when he arrives in town to swoop away Keira Knightley’s character and escape on a stolen barge. Had we been the townsfolk, however, terror would have crippled us as we watched a figure we associated with rape and pillage steal away the prize daughter of our community, no matter her consent.
Instead of simply providing nuisance to stuffy colonials, the pirates that today patrol the Indian Ocean have upgraded weaponry to AK-47s and grenade launchers, successfully hijacked an oil supertanker valued at over $100 million and — in the past year — received ransom payments totaling over $150 million.
They even went after a cruise ship, which drag raced its way to safety after being fired upon. One can only presume if the ship had been breached, the crew and vacationers would have been taken hostage until money was thrown their way.
If only the Somalis were as entertaining as Johnny Depp’s Caribbean-cruising character with beads in his braided beard. These pirates aren’t the jovial, bandana-wearing scallywags I loved as a kid.
No matter how long this debacle lasts, however, we may never move away from the notion that Captain Morgan is the most deliberately troublesome seafarer we can think of, and will continue to be deluded into thinking that pirates are anointed rebels against institutionalized, bureaucratic society we sometimes wish we could be.
Thanks to Hollywood and Halloween for suspending our disbelief.
Ryan is starting a support group for those who can’t take these pirates seriously. Reach him at ryan.oneal@asu.edu.
