The Big Unit brought the heat back to the desert Sunday, and trounced his former unappreciative team.
He took a no-hitter into the seventh inning and shared a one-hit shutout with two Giant’s relievers, as San Francisco beat the Diamondbacks 2-0.
Despite the victory, the new city and the new team, one thing remains the same: Randy Johnson is the ugliest man to ever play any professional sport, in any city, in any country on any planet — ever.
One-hundred mph fastballs aside, every time I see Johnson, I recoil in horror.
I’m taken aback, and have to let my eyes adjust before I can look directly at his turkey-gobbler neck, and the stringy, ratty hair.
Each time Johnson takes the mound — after the initial shock of seeing him wears off — I try to convince myself, ‘It’s not that bad. Plenty of people are worse than Randy — look at Scottie Pippen.’
This approach is never successful and has brought me to the following conclusion:
No law-abiding human should ever have to look at the three most heinous things in existence: Charles Barkley’s golf swing, a Red Sox World Series ring, and the Big Unit.