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Today is a very exciting day in our far-less-than-classy basement office, otherwise affectionately known as the Mosquito Palace, Asbestos Depot or the Dungeon.

After years of questioning, of listening with our ears to the little trap doors to nowhere, of hearing peculiar sounds coming from the mysterious locales beyond, we finally got to take a peek at our underground neighbor — the tunnel system that covers the expanse of the Tempe campus’ nether regions.

Built in 1937, the tunnels house chilled water for air conditioning, steam tunnels for heating, medium-voltage electric lining and wiring for the University’s telecommunications system. The system, only accessible to Facilities Management staff and any approved crews contracted to fix the various utilities, runs for 20,000 linear square feet beneath the Tempe campus. Though the route is unspecified for security reasons, we know it is only within the campus core (bound on the north by University Drive, on the south by Apache Boulevard, on the west by Mill Avenue and on the east by Rural Road).

It has 57 entrances that vary from doors (like the one in our office) to portholes that are all heavily guarded with locks or steel and a sophisticated alarm system that is linked up to the ASU Police station.

However, in spite of the high security and having formerly been a well-kept secret, the tunnel system often sees one or two break-ins per year.

Through the course of uncovering the tunnel mystery, our intrepid reporter encountered a bevy of fascinating stories, including rumors of fraternity hazing (blindfolded, naked rushers being dropped into the system and told to find their way out) and a mention of a shady jail-cell-type spot with a chair surrounded by chains.

So, even though University officials were gracious enough to allow us a peek, we still have a laundry list of questions about the tunnels. We’re intrigued by the limitless possibilities of a whole world beneath ASU.

Just as an idea, here is a list of the things we have always assumed we would find in the tunnels, but were unfortunately unable to confirm:

• A portal to the mythical land of Narnia. You may be surprised how common those passageways are, but we aren’t — Aslan needs to gather food somewhere.

• A Cold War bomb shelter.

• One of those nifty mine-shaft railroad systems.

• A security system involving an “Indiana Jones”-like rolling boulder.

• The location for the next season of the reality television hit “Survivor: Subterranean,” in which castaways will fight for the immunity idol: a gas mask that protects from asbestos-related health hazards.

• El Dorado, the legendary City of Gold. Just don’t tell the Arizona Legislature that we’ve got access to it otherwise the rest of the state funding will dry up.

• The Chamber of Secrets. Shh, don't tell Voldemort.

• An oversized anthropomorphic rat wizened to the ways of ninjutsu and his four younger mutant trainees who happen to be adolescent turtles.

• Entire civilizations of various species, from hobbits to mole men to crab people.

• The filming location for the final hour of “The Goonies.” There is no word, however, on whether One-Eyed Willy’s treasure is still there.

• Bruce Wayne. What? You didn’t think the Batcave was so close to home, did you?

• President Barack Obama’s ASU honorary degree.


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