The past couple of weekends have been disappointing ones for ASU sports fans. With recent losses added to the football team’s record, cries have come from near and far demanding something to change.
• Unfortunately for Danny Sullivan, a lot of anger tends to be directed toward the quarterback. While we’re still hoping for the football season to pick up, here’s a list of things that need replacing more than Sullivan does.
• Hollywood. We’re all about movies and such, but when “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is a box-office hit, something has got to be wrong. We know Megan Fox is hot, but think about it: Her makeup and too-tight white pants remain unscathed while she gallivants around avoiding explosions in a desert. Really? OK, so maybe “Transformers” is not the most realistic of films, but we would have appreciated a little more attention to detail, Hollywood — not that we actually contributed to the massive box-office earnings …
• “Saturday Night Live” and producer Lorne Michaels. Don’t get us wrong, we’re glad that Michaels is producing “30 Rock,” but let’s face it, SNL hasn’t been funny in a long time. The last time we tuned in was during election season, and that was only to watch “30 Rock” star Tina Fey hysterically impersonate Sarah Palin.
• Stimulus funds with a functioning economy. Speaking of politics, why not swap all of that stimulus assistance for an economy that actually works? Crazy notion, we know. Currently, the stimulus money is part of what is keeping ASU afloat these days and we’re glad we’re not shoveling out even more money out for tuition. Still, we’re ready for the times to pick up — and while we’re at it, maybe we can replace bajillionaire CEOs, bankers on Wall Street and overly wealthy Congressmen with people who actually care about the people living on Main Street.
• On the subject of morals, let’s swap The Vue Apartments for a convent. While we’re not exactly sure what actually goes on within the walls of the apartment complex, with the wave of arrests that happened not too long ago, debauchery and immoral activity is probably not a bad guess. Used to hearing that ASU is a party school? Replace crazy partygoers with nuns, and we’ll have a crystal-clear reputation in no time.
• Finally, let’s replace October with December. The weather cooling down is something to smile about — but being smack dab in the middle of midterms is not. Fall is fun and all, but if we could fast forward a month or two, we’d be mighty pleased to see the holiday lights at the end of the tunnel.
