Earlier this year, a former high school teacher of mine was accused of sexual misconduct with a 17-year-old student. Ever since his indictment in March — and even more since his four-year conviction just days ago — online forums have flooded with the thoughts and opinions of other students.
Many chastise the now 47-year-old for taking advantage of such a young girl, while others offer little sympathy for the near woman who was 27 days away from her 18th birthday.
One online writer stated “A 17 year old is not a CHILD these days! She knew what she was doing, DON’T YOU BELIEVE OTHERWISE.” Another writes, “She is 17. He is 46. She is a teen. He is an adult … He knew it was wrong even if SHE initiated it.”
I wonder how reactions would have differed if the teacher had been a 22-year-old fresh out of college. Would he have been judged less harshly?
While there are obviously other important details that contribute to the severity of this particular case, it got me thinking about how we regard age as a culture. How old is too old?
Being raised by parents who are 13 years apart in age, I find myself the last to raise an eyebrow when ethics regarding age gaps in relationships are concerned. Large age differences may not work for everyone, but for many, other issues, such as mental age, play a much larger role than that of the physical body.
A friend of mine has been happily dating a man more than 30 years her senior for more than 11 months. She told me when they first fell for each other, they had no idea they were so far apart in age.
They regarded each other on the same level, being friends and colleagues for quite some time before anything got serious. Once they discovered each other’s exact age, their relationship had developed too far to let it get in the way.
An article on EzineArticles.com points out that mental age is certainly an important factor in a relationship, but some obstacles that are less common between individuals of the same age may still exist.
Psychologically, the older partner runs the risk of acting as a third parent rather than a mate, making the younger assume a role of inferiority. Also probable is the younger partner misses out on a phase of life they may never have the chance to experience.
Even so, many women find that men their age are simply not mature and vice versa. They argue a partner further apart in age is more likely to have similar interests and goals in life.
Whether a young “gold digger” or a “creepy pedophile,” there have been and will continue to be relationships where one partner takes advantage of the vulnerability provided by large age discrepancies. I simply hope we can learn to take age disparities in relationships for face value before jumping to conclusions about hidden motives.
Reach Ruth at ruth.wenger@asu.edu.
