As the horde of freshmen descends upon the ASU campuses this semester, it will most surely be confronted with the infamous “ASU experience” class, the one-credit ASU 101, so engrained in the cultural fabric of undergraduate life. This class, according to the most recent ASU course catalog, will offer freshmen an understanding of “ASU's mission as the New American University, the importance and benefits of an entrepreneurial approach to problem solving, solutions to sustainability challenges, and the importance of social embeddedness.” Sure, all of those things are covered, but the course certainly leaves out a few essentials in the ASU experience.
After years of first-hand research, I have assembled a guide of sorts for students while they spend the next four years at this the degree-dispensing, sun drenched, and super legit horse-statue adorned center of knowledge.
ASU 101: Time to evaluate friend requests, monitor important status updates and respond to pressing event invitations, all while your teacher pontificates about the importance of studying, not plagiarizing and an array of “learn how to learn” modules you are much too busy to care about.
Fall Welcome: Chance to find a bar that will serve you underage.
Going Green: Professors make the students print all of their syllabi, lectures and assignments out on their own, so ASU departments can save money and look like they care about the environment at the same time.
Rush Week: Opportunity to earn your place in a half-bulldozed, rat-infested and beer-soaked house that will somehow enhance your resume.
Meal Plan: So instead of buying ramen noodles at the supermarket, you can buy them at the Memorial Union.
Quiet Hours: Time to go to that bar you found during Welcome Week while those nerds down the hall sit around and surf 4chan.
Intramurals: Chance to put those Barrett geeks in their place.
ASU Undie Run: Yes.
Parking and Transit: No.
Community Assistant(CA): Cool older student who may be able to help you find that bar. Or not.
Bike racks: Place where the less fortunate can, and will, acquire your sweet new bike free of charge.
Mill Avenue: Not the place where you found that bar.
Old Town Scottsdale: Definitely not the place where you found that bar.
ASU – NAU Football Game: Opportunity for Erickson and Co. to pull off a W.
Lot 59 North: Convenient parking location if all of your classes happen to be held in Tempe Town Lake.
New American University: Like the old American University, minus the winning football program, cheerleaders and reasonable class sizes.
So, ASU 101 student, enjoy sunbathing at the SRC pool, sporting that free fall welcome t-shirt, and signing up for intramural flag football. With this guide in hand you could someday join the ranks of the upperclassmen, and someday, if you prove to be legit enough, graduate from college and become a leader in whatever field you choose.
Ben found that bar at: Benjamin.negley@asu.edu
