We all remember that one couple in high school that spent all four years talking about how much they loved each other and how, without a doubt, they would get married.
Sometimes, these couples really do end up together, and sometimes, they actually grow old together. However, for the most part, a 22-year-old laughs and shakes his or her head in disbelief when looking back upon the 16-year-old romantic plans and promises they made.
If everyone were obligated to fulfill the life plans they made in high school, the world would be a scary place. The idea of dating is usually to meet new people, learn about yourself, weed out personalities you are incompatible with and hone in on those you do find appealing.
Your teenage self is typically not very good at accomplishing most of those tasks, but as you grow up, your dating practices also mature.
The naked truth is that dating, like any other behavior or skill, should evolve, mature and develop with age. If you are 21 and dating the same way you were when you were 15, it’s time to reevaluate. Pronto.
As men and women age, their thoughts about relationships generally become more focused and interested in the long-term. However, this isn’t always true.
The result of poorly matched dating expectations and methods range from annoying frustration to heartbreaking disaster.
To avoid becoming jaded about relationships, we should all take a deep breath, pause and consider whether we are practicing like we want to play when it comes to romance. Is the way you date a reflection of your full emotional capacity, or are you stuck in a childhood rut?
This summer The New York Times featured a story that discussed the data of a June 2010 study published by The Journal of Health and Social Behavior that revealed stereotype-shattering findings in the realm of dating.
From a psychological review of 1,161 men aged 18 to 23 the study concluded: “It appears that young men benefit more than women from support, and that they are more harmed than women by strain in ongoing romantic relationships.”
It appears that contrary to popular belief, heterosexual men are even more eaten up inside by romantic woes than their female counterparts.
In a similar fashion, The Institute for American Values conducted a study in 2009 that found that “today’s college women have high marital aspirations and many are actively thinking about marriage.”
If women and men are interested in where a relationship might take them, then why are so many people out there dating like they are still in high school and hoping for better, more adult-like results? Why is so much brainpower going into emotional woe and marital fantasy and not into better, more informed reflections about dating practices?
If you are stalking someone’s Facebook, but can’t find the nerve to say “hi” in person, this is your wake-up call. If you think your best “game” happens after a few drinks, this means you. If text messaging is a primary means of communication in your relationship, whether for conflict or compliments, you need to reconsider. If you want to end up with someone you enjoy, then you have to date smarter.
You have to reflect upon what you have been doing and ask yourself if you are satisfied with where it’s been getting you. Brilliant results come from methods and practices that evolve and grow. Certainly you evolve and grow between high school and college, and the way you conduct your relationships should mature too.
Reach Anna at anna.bethancourt@asu.edu
