Everyone knows there is no such thing as a perfect person, yet we all try to find our soul mate — that one person who is supposed to be perfect.
We wait for him or her to come along and take all our knowledge of romance and throw it out the window and begin a relationship where nothing can go wrong.
According to a recent study by the University of Virginia, two-thirds of Americans believe in soul mates. Unfortunately, the National Marriage Project by UVA found that people with the soul mate belief were 150 percent more likely to divorce.
Remember when John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale fell in love because they repeatedly ran into each other in “Serendipity”? How about when Reese Witherspoon left her fabulous New York life as a fashion designer to go back to Alabama with her soul mate in “Sweet Home Alabama”? Think about what happens after “happily ever after” in the movies.
Even though we realize these movies are silly, they influence our every day lives. It doesn’t matter whether you are male or female either. According to a poll by Marist College, 63 percent of men surveyed believed in soul mates too.
The idea behind these studies are that people with more fairy-tale views of love are more likely to be disappointed when it comes to their real life relationship. But if you don’t put people on a pedestal, they won’t fall far.
ASU Sex, Love and Romance in the Mass Media professor and author Mary Lou Galician said people should “consider countless candidates,” which is one of her “12 prescriptions” for a healthy relationship, instead of believing there is only one person in the world who is “cosmically predestined” for them.
If there are soul mates, let me tell you, I would be screwed. There are over 6 billion people in the world. How are we supposed to find the right one? The answer: you’re not. You will find a ton of people that you are extremely compatible with and then you will decide if you can spend your life with one of them.
Everyone has flaws. The idea that there is someone out there without flaws or little quirks is impossible. The best part of a good relationship is that you learn to love those little annoying things they do.
Our generation has built such high ideals in our heads about the perfect mate that nothing and no one can live up to the expectation of what we think marriage and love are supposed to be.
The poll conducted by the Marist College also found that the biggest believers in soul mates were from ages 18 to 29. Our age group is the most influenced by fairy-tale stories and happily ever after, which is why it’s important to realize healthy realistic views of an ideal partner.
Try not to define someone as a soul mate and maybe you won’t feel let down when you find a flaw in his or her personality. There are countless candidates for each person. And you probably won’t meet half of them before you decide to marry one.
Email Lindsey at lskupfer@asu.edu
