With finals week rapidly approaching, I can’t seem to rid myself of the anxiety that never fails to overcome my emotional stasis at the end of the semester.
Will I do well on my tests? Am I prepared enough? Did I do all of the readings? These are all questions plaguing the minds of most college students across the nation.
Final exams and the completion of final projects can be a stressful time. Don’t listen to the frat boy who says the only way to pass them is to load up on Adderall and cram for days. Don’t fall under the impression that watching The Discovery Channel’s riveting program Planet Earth qualifies as studying for a Biology final. (Tried that one before, see you next semester, BIO 101.)
In all seriousness it is best to review past assignments and class lectures, go over vocabulary and key concepts and ideas and attend the final review sessions that your teachers provide; meet your exams head on. Don’t forget to sleep; if you just take each class one at a time, the task of studying is less daunting.
However, it is common knowledge that if one doesn’t turn off the engine for a little bit, it is inevitable that you will crash and burn. My friends, peers and contemporaries — readers of The State Press —throughout the semester and my tenure on the opinion page, I have compiled a series of open letters to inanimate objects, fast-food McMysteries and people who will most likely never respond. For my final column of the semester, I hope my words provide some sense of relief, or at least make you smile during a time when most of the reading you’re doing is in preparation for a test of sorts: An open letter to finals.
Dear Final Exams,
So, haven’t had enough of me, is that it? Didn’t get your share when I “pwned” you last semester with that essay shedding new insight on the sexual undertones in the works of Hemingway? How about when you thought you had me beat by forcing me to write flashbacks into that final screenplay? It’s too bad for you that I turned in an Oscar worthy script. You should have seen the rave reviews it received from my mother. I thought we said what we needed to say to each other at midterms…I’ll admit, finals, you did get a few fair punches in with that online geography final and my GPA is still recovering from that little number you pulled with my math test, but let’s be realistic here: it’s not as if my career as a writer will ever yield enough income to the point where I’ll have to do any serious financial equations.
Who am I kidding? You’ve already got me cornered. It’s a beautiful afternoon, and I’m stuck in front of my computer. My eyes failed to notice the open literature books next to me, and empty grande Frappuccino looming ominously as its condensation-covered plastic cup leaves a ring on an Allen Ginsberg poem.
So what’s it going to be, finals? Essay tests? Are you going to try to trip me up with some multiple choice? I don’t care if you’re just a collection of the content and material covered over the course of the semester and designed to test my knowledge of the different subjects.
Finals, maybe I’m being a little dramatic. Without you, I’d never to be able to prove my academic dominance over that kid two rows ahead of me who sleeps through lecture or that girl who never comes to class. I guess you’re one of those necessary evils, a means to an end or a Robin Williams movie. Kind of unbearable to endure in its entirety, but at the end of it all, we definitely come out learning something about the human experience.
Send Ben comments at bkarris@asu.edu
