There is one relationship story that always makes me laugh: The one where a boyfriend or girlfriend decides to follow a significant other to another state and ends up alone.
When it comes to planning your future around a relationship versus yourself, it’s okay to be selfish. Most college relationships don’t last forever. After college, it’s more important to think about what is best for you and where your best chance of succeeding is. I have heard far too many stories of people leaving their homes, dreams and goals on the hope that their relationship will last forever only to realize that once they break up there is nothing for them there. The person who initially decides to move is called the principle of least interest.
According to the book, Families, a Sociological Perspective, written by David M. Newman, the principle of least interest is the person who has the least interest in continuing the relationship. This person welds all control and whether you realize it or not, there is always a principle of least interest in a relationship, especially people who are fresh out of college. The person who dictates and controls the relationship will do whatever it takes to be happy, but why should you settle for that and give into his or her dreams instead of yours?
Based on my friends’ relationships and various media blogs, women are more likely to be the followers.
In a recent article, a guest writer for the New York Times, Christopher Solomon, moved to New York City expecting he and his girlfriend to live happily ever after. Of course, that’s not the way things work. His story was told in a letter written to NYC about his high expectations of the city and his relationship, but like most modern day loves stories, the girl he loved moved on, leaving him to fend for himself in a place where he didn’t have friends or plans of his own.
It’s sad that things don’t work out the way most people hope, but the idea of following someone you may or may not end up with is stupid. With your entire life ahead of you, it’s OK to put your needs in front of everyone else’s. It’s your life and your future. If you are relying on this one person too much, there’s a good chance that you that will end up hurt in the long run.
My theory is simple: Don’t follow someone if you have nothing going for you in that state or place. If you only have your significant other, then try long distance or end the relationship. However, if you find an awesome job or can make your own way in that place, then go. As long as you realize it might not work out and still have your own life in that new spot, then it won’t be such a let down if the relationship doesn’t work out.
So, all you new grads who are dealing with this situation ask yourself this question, “If the roles were reversed, would they do the same for you?”
Send comments to Lindsey at lindsey.kupfer@asu.edu
