Yeah, the dunk contest was good this year.
I’ve always liked TNT’s Kenny Smith in the studio as the straight man to Chuckster’s Costello shtick.
Tell me “The Jet” has a friend, maybe Ernie, someone who’ll keep him upright, put an arm around his shoulders and say, “Hey, pal to pal, we’re going home this time, buddy. You were the tiny dancer out there tonight, but the show’s gotta’ end.”
Every year Smith has his own d(r)unk contest for a national audience. It was just ‘Trbl.’ But hey, that’s the only explanation my little brain can come up with.
He’s the life of the party all right, the gyrating fool on the bar yelling “Who’s birthday is it tonight?!”
Yeah, make it rain, big ‘fella.
So, there was Blake Griffin, the top acrobat in what turned into an avant-garde showcase, who made the 2011 dunk contest the most anticipated all-star competition in decades, preparing for his first dunk.
Plenty of drama, right?
Nope, Kenny Smith time. Kenny Powers approves.
Here is the transcribed audio from TNT, spanning from when Griffin misses on his first attempt to his successful third attempt. Enter Kenny Smith, Griffin’s “dunk coach.”
Smith: “He’s not kidding! He’s not kidding! He’s not kidding! It’s about to get crazy in here! It’s about to get crazy in here! It’s about to get crazy in here!”
What horror movie is he getting this from?
Second attempt misses.
Smith: “He jumped too high! He jumped too high! He jumped too high that time. He jumped too high that time. He jumped too high that time. He’s jumping too high that time!”
Yes, ladies and gentleman, “He’s jumping too high that time.”
Successful third attempt.
I assume Kenny Smith explodes. Yes, they killed Kenny. Confetti? Human projectile confetti: a fitting tribute. Hey, what’s it matter once you’ve sacrificed self-respect?
Oh, we could only hope. (I kid, I kid.)
Smith, full of incoherence: “Shut the building down! He shut the building down! He shut the building down! Shut the building down!”
Smith continues screaming for the fire marshal when Reggie Miller jumps in with the line of the night.
Miller: “I’ll tell you what; it’s good to have Flavor-Flav as your coach.”
So, I get the idea that the hype man comes from AND 1 street ball, and I guess that’s all right.
But if we bring cars and choirs into the dunk contest, and if we give a ranting, raving lunatic a microphone and platform, why can’t we bring in other crazy stuff, like kangaroos.
If you can teach an elephant how to paint, c’mon, this makes sense.
Man versus Animal dunk contest. Gold.
Reach the reporter at nick.ruland@asu.edu
