A friend of mine, an ASU student, recently went through a breakup. She went through the normal stages that most girls go through.
There’s the sad phase, in which she cried for a week straight and lost about 15 pounds. Then the infamous “I hate him” stage, in which all her friends told her how she could do so much better and what a jerk they always thought he was.
Then, finally, came the rebound stage. She found someone that gave her attention even though she had no intention of dating him; she was nowhere close to being ready for a commitment.
College relationships are hard. Individuals change constantly throughout their undergraduate years, and it’s not easy to keep things going with someone when both people become so drastically different.
It’s amazing that people can stay together throughout their years as students. But sometimes the breakup is inevitable.
Whatever the variables (guy or gal, long or short-term relationship, etc.), there are healthy ways to approach moving on.
And the No. 1 rule you should remember when going through a breakup: There is no way that you can be just friends.
Relationship expert Patti Stanger of Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker advises that you can only remain friendly with an ex if there is no sexual attraction or you are already in a relationship with someone else.
According to a new study by the University of Utah, the ex-bashing stage is a must. The study found that people who hate on their ex after a breakup were less likely to become depressed.
Follow-up with study participants revealed that those who were negative toward their ex also felt better than people who weren’t.
Even with the all the trash talking, most people are still sad about a breakup. I’ve found that it helps to watch a new TV series or read books.
Both of these distract you from thinking about your ex. Because you are mentally engaged with another plot and characters, you aren’t thinking about what is happening in your own life.
I think most people hope that a breakup happens during a winter or summer break. But it is better if you are in school, as classes will redirect your attention. If you just throw yourself into school or work, it will help you forget about the split.
As bitter as it sounds, it’s okay to de-friend your ex on Facebook. It’s not immature, because looking at their status updates, pictures and wall posts may only hurt you more.
If you don’t de-friend them, you may start creeping on their page to see how they are doing. This makes things so much worse.
No matter what the situation is, breakups are hard. It’s okay to feel sad and mope around for a couple days. But it’s important to remember that you were fine before you started dating them, and you will be fine after. Though it’s cliche to say, it just takes time to get over someone.
Stay busy with school, go out with your friends and realize that you deserve someone better.
Reach Lindsey at lkupfer@asu.edu
