There are several aspects of one’s life that I believe are absolutely personal. Religion is the classic example, but I’ve always believed that choice of diet is just as personal. Whether you think your body is a temple or not, what you choose to eat says a lot about you. Which brings me to my current dilemma.
As a kid, I never liked eating meat. I was raised in Texas and never felt comfortable being surrounded by such a meat-lovin' culture, where any excuse to have a weekend BBQ or cookout was a good excuse. I felt like a total buzzkill for refusing to eat meals made for me. My parents tried everything to get me to eat meat, but finally gave up when I was 13 — they probably thought it was a phase that would run its course. The fact that it annoyed them probably fueled my desire to be vegetarian more so than any other reason.
For years I was the only vegetarian I knew. I would be vegan for small increments of time as well, making things harder on myself. I had to learn to cook for myself and teach my family how to think beyond beef. In high school and college, things were a bit rougher. I stuck out like a sore thumb when we’d go out to eat. I never wanted to draw attention to my diet so there would be times where I would order a side salad or nothing at all. Family functions were also a pain. I had to eat beforehand because I knew there would be nothing for me.
Slowly but surely I met other vegetarians and vegans, but they were nothing like me. I never cared about what other people ate. You could slaughter a cow in front of me as long as you promised to not let it go to waste. What you eat is your business. However, I usually ran into a vegetarian culture that was very judgmental. I would never tell someone to stop eating meat and I would never protest because my diet was my boycott.
Seeing friends that were into PETA and Action for Animals was jarring. The similarity between them and boisterous religious sects condemning strangers to hell was surprisingly evident.
I ignored them and went about my life. It became second nature to check labels and menus when eating out and eating in became a norm. I grew tired of it. It was monotonous. It got to the point where I woke up one day and realized I had changed. I had long forgotten about my passion for vegetarianism and viewed it as a burden. Once that spark was gone, I saw no reason to continue with my dietary guidelines.
I slowly crept back into the meat-eating world. It was not as warm and welcoming as I had hoped.
It was absolutely bizarre to be ordering off of any menu in town. I started to cook non-vegetarian meals, but it wasn't as freeing as I hoped — rather, guilt was around every corner. The odd part was that I didn’t feel guilty for consuming dead animals, I felt guilty for leaving that part of my life behind. For years I saw vegetarianism as part of my identity and now it was gone. I felt as if I were betraying myself.
The only noticeable difference in my life is how much easier things are now. It's more convenient to eat out and enjoy social gatherings. But frankly, I’ve found that meat doesn’t taste as great as I thought it would. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but so far I’ve been pretty underwhelmed.
I remember my journey into vegetarianism as being fulfilling. It was exciting and I felt great about what I was doing. That rebellious attitude is gone and now I feel like a total sell out.
I’m slowly coming to terms with my “normal” diet, but it still feels as if I have left my religion. There’s the shame that comes with not going to church, the guilt of turning your back on something you believed in, and the lasting trace of faith that you can’t shake off.
Contact the reporter at apanguia@asu.edu.
