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"Thor" 5/5 Pitchforks Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, and Natalie Portman PG–13

While most of the world is divided over which deity is “the one” to follow, another with golden locks returns wielding a mighty hammer. Reminding us which cock rules the roost, “Thor” beats its way into theaters nationwide today.

Where English TAs might be a little disappointed that Director Kenneth Branagh (thankfully) left Shakespeare on the shelf to collect dust, they should be relived to know that he delivers a visually stunning and epic telling of the God of Thunder himself flexing his might in the name of what is right. Peter Jackson could learn a thing or two when telling a story as similarly involved as this masterpiece.

Chris Hemsworth plays the hammering hunk after briefly appearing in the 2009 Star Trek as Captain Kirks’ father – how fitting. And ladies, Hemsworth has been working out. Reportedly even to the point of being “too big” for his attire.

After a noble attempt at defending his fathers reign, the King of Asgard – played by none other than Sir Anthony Hopkins – banishes Thor to Earth minus his Mjölnir (pet name for his hammer) and mojo.

Like a good car or trusted steed – his Mjölnir returns, bringing with it Thor’s “umph” too – and just in the nick of time.

Also “just in time,” Natalie Portman returns after playing that nut job in “Black Swan.” Having wasted valuable time rolling around between the sheets with (yawn) Ashton Kutcher, Portman reprises her role as the smart, sweet and adventurous girl-next-door that audience members fell in love with so long ago. It’s good to know that she still has us all in the palm of her hand, Thor include.

Where resident comic book connoisseurs and historians are far more equipped – and prone to finding flaws in theatric representations of their beloved superheroes – for the average moviegoer who is simply looking for a release from the trials and tribulations of being a mere mortal, “Thor” more than delivers.

Unfortunately the music of AC/DC was spent on the nincompoop in “Iron Man.” Nothing would be more fitting than the alternating and direct current of Bon Scott howling through “Live Wire” for this Lord of Lords, but oh well, better luck next time – and with Thor, there will be a next time.

Set to reappear at least once more in the upcoming release of “The Avengers,” Thor and friends look to leave their mark on a summer movie going audience longing for something more than the tired formulaic garbage that started the year.

If all of this wasn’t enough, Saturday (at participating locations) is Free Comic Book Day. With several titles up for grabs, there is little doubt that the publics’ faith in grandiose and over-the-top storytelling will not be restored.

As Thor himself says, “You’ll see soon enough,” and why would you not want to?

Long live the King.

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