I probably should not be so embarrassed to admit this, but I have seen enough ASU students on OkCupid to know I’m not alone in using a digital matchmaker to grab at the elusive dangling carrot of love.
I’m a bit ashamed to say that I approached the venture waiting to be dazzled. I’m a girl who grew up filled with Disney princesses and princes, Jane Austen’s demure, but delightful, romance novels. I even experienced firsthand E.L. James’s assault on the English language known as “Fifty Shades of Grey.” And let’s not even start on the romantic comedies, television shows, songs and poems that spew forth from this ridiculous idea of perfect, ever-lasting love.
We all know the kind I’m talking about — that immediate connection that goes deeper than your brain or hormones, the kind that finds its way to your soul.
Most of our generation is with me. I’m not the only one who is waiting to be floored by a hottie.
And yet couple after couple falls into the trap that Hollywood and the media sets. We feel like we’re settling unless our relationships are absolutely perfect. Mary-Lou Galician, founding head of Media Analysis and Criticism and Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass Communication has boiled this mess down to 12 myths.
Galician said, “the right mate ‘completes you’ — fulfilling your needs and making your dreams come true.”
While it may look cheesy spelled out, we have all looked for and believed in that myth at some point or another in our lives. We have been misled to believe that completion can only come through another human being, causing us to overlook the opportunities for genuine feeling and love that lie within reach.
Am I to expect to be dazzled? Who are we to demand perfection? Who are we to sit back and wait for potential lovers to impress us? Part of loving and being loved is accepting you are flawed and that your partner is too.
According to a Time Magazine blog, “Relationship counselors often face common misconceptions in their clients — that if your partner truly loves you they'd know what you need without you communicating it, that your soul mate is predestined. We did a rigorous content analysis of romantic comedies and found that the same issues were being portrayed in these films.”
Unless we can look past the celluloid world presented to us by the media, we will never see the real one we live in. Nothing is easy. Love is no different. We have to give chances, forgive, (and on occasion) be forgiven.
I have a date next week with a guy whom would not have gotten a second glance from me if he had not asked for one. I’m humbled by his attention and the way he broke through my preconceived notions of what love should be, rather than what it could be.
Wish me luck!
Reach the columnist at atipping@asu.edu. Follow the columnist @Lexij41
