I’ve avoided it long enough, but it is officially time to pack.
I finally shimmied my way through my honors thesis defense. I’m finishing my last few classes and assignments. My lease is up in a few weeks, and I have a new little apartment and roommates waiting for me in Los Angeles. There’s nothing left to do but to start putting my stuff in boxes. (And find a way to pay off my student loans, but what’s the rush?)
My room in my Scottsdale apartment today doesn’t look all that different from the inside of my very first dorm room downtown — colorfully cluttered with photos, posters, homesick iconography, books and notes from faraway friends.
Along the way, I’ve added collegiate speech trophies and awards, piles of books and papers, keepsakes from friends I’ve met and a whole lot of shoes. Some items I’ll give away, some I’ll take with me and some I’m trying desperately to sell. (Anybody need a TV?)
Going through the textbooks I’ve kept, I began to wonder what I have learned and what I am going to do with it. The kicker happened when I had to fill out the graduation program form for the honors college, listing what I was planning on accomplishing after graduation.
Volunteerism? Employment? If so, what specifically? I thought of the answers many grads might be putting: travel, law school, internships, grad school, working for a well-known corporation or playing some hugely important part in a new business start-up.
Ugh. As someone who has yet to hear from desired jobs and fellowships, I could think of only one appropriate answer: “Spring break forever!”
I wish. Plus, my mother would kill me, and my grandma would be very confused if they saw that written next to my name on the graduation program.
I wanted my answer to showcase my hard work and accomplishments, but then it began to sink in: I have no job, no internship, no big next step to brag about on Facebook, no fiancé or serious boyfriend, no life-changing news that will make this next year of my life any more spectacular than the former.
I thought I would be so relieved that my college experiences are coming to a close. Instead, I worried that they didn’t really add up to anything tangible. Was I an (un)success story? Did I do college wrong? Was it all worth it? Where is my drink?
Luckily, my friends have always been there to listen as I rant about this stuff. We roll our eyes at all of the nonsense that being college students brings and sigh at the same stressful situations. We also make each other go out for disco dancing or dessert when it becomes too much. At least I had that, I thought. At least I got many really wonderful friendships out of my time as a Sun Devil.
At my honors thesis defense last week, the room was filled with them: friends with flowers, friends with candy, friends who had gotten very little sleep the night before and would get very little sleep the night after but still made it all the way there to show support for me. It was all for me.
At every event, performance, important presentation, birthday, bad day, good day — they’ve been there. They have driven miles, spent so much money, given so much time to grow, laugh and learn by my side.
These are the people who have been there through it all. They’re the people in every single Facebook album from the past four years, and who held me when I cried and ate junk food with me when I was stressed beyond belief and procrastinated with me when we shouldn’t have. I may not have anything to put on my graduation form except “undecided," but these friendships seemed to make my time at ASU truly worth it. These friendships helped shape me into the driven, passionate, excited and proud woman I am today — even if she is currently jobless.
All I know is this: Every single phone conversation I had this past week ended in an “I love you,” and all of the friends on the other end were people I’ve met over the course of my ASU career. Some of them don’t live in Tempe or see me every week, but they are all family now. We are all tied together by choice.
Right now I am writing this from a room filled with three of the best friends I made the very first week of my sophomore year. Then we were nervous and unsure of ourselves. We were four people awaiting some sort of greatness that we each felt would eventually be learned during our time here.
Today we sit crowded together on my living room floor, cramming for the last of our finals and reviews. My friends will graduate in one more year, and in a couple of weeks, I’ll drive to Los Angeles with my car filled to the top.
After I hug and kiss them goodbye, I will drive away into my uncertain future, armed with the knowledge that my best friends are a call or click away, "I love you’s" and all.
Author Jackie Kay once said, "You go when you can no longer stay."
My time at ASU is coming to a close and while I'd do anything to remain in a state of play with the family I've made in this space for just one more day, week, month or year, the time has come to move on. I may not have a wildly exciting career lined up just yet, but I am leaving with a wildly supportive and loving community — a community that I can take with me wherever I go. Greatness indeed.
Reach the columnist at andrea.c.flores@asu.edu or follow her at @bowchickaflores
