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Newlin's 3 a.m. Diary: Uncertainties

Courtesy of Vintage Publishing.
Courtesy of Vintage Publishing.

I’m reading a memoir right now titled “Wild.” It is the story of Cheryl Strayed’s summer-long hike along the Pacific Crest Trail, a hike she did alone after her life had hit rock bottom.It’s been a summer-long read for me as I’ve been reading a few pages every now and a then since July. This is pretty rare for me. Most of the time I devour books in a few days, but I’ve found myself extremely busy and the book has a slower pace to it that warrants a leisurely read.

WildTP_Books-330.jpg Courtesy of Vintage Publishing." height="300

In a way it is a self-help book. It is an introspective read as you spend long amounts of time alone in the woods inside Cheryl’s mind. She is a recovering heroine addict who recently divorced her husband and lost her mom to cancer. The hike on the Pacific Crest Trail is her way of finding herself so to speak and moving past the grief and unhappiness in her life. The hike is inspiring. It reminds me of “Eat Pray Love” — Elizabeth Gilbert’s trek to three different countries after her messy divorce. I guess that is the thing to do after a divorce, go on some crazy travels and then write a book about it.

Being a senior in college has me thinking a lot like Cheryl and Elizabeth. I feel as though my entire life up to this point has been so certain and planned. I’m sure it is a feeling most seniors experience. What do I do when I finish school? Am I really cut out for the real world? I have mini panic attacks more than I’d like to admit about whether or not I’ll find a career. But my biggest fear is that I won’t be happy where I end up. Unhappiness is what drove Cheryl and Elizabeth to make these pilgrimages to find their trues selves. I wonder sometimes if I know exactly what I want to be or do and think that a trip like theirs would be beneficial.

I am the type of person who would pack up one day and spend six months exploring Madagascar, or Au Paring in Holland or go on a working holiday in Australia. I don’t like being in one place for very long. As of now, my plan is to just get through senior year day-by-day hoping the future will begin to materialize as I near graduation. Whatever I end up doing, I know it’ll be cool.

Reach the writer at newlin.tillotson@asu.edu or on Twitter @Newlin777


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