While flipping through the dollar section at Roosevelt Row’s local record shop, Revolver Records, I was stopped suddenly by a deep, eyebrow-risen gaze. It was his sultry expression, accompanied by over-sprayed hair and an ill-fitted tie, that formed my first impression of Shakin’ Stevens, the man I assumed was an ‘80s hit gone terribly wrong.
Shortly after purchasing the record and walking home, I mustered enough tolerance to listen to the album in its entirety. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but, then again, my expectations are never very high for a creepy man with a single titled, “I’ll Be Satisfied.”
When I put the needle to the record, I knew I was on a journey through the tracks of time.
"Josephine"
For the way I had previously judged the album art, I was pleasantly surprised by the beginning of Stevens’s first track. Although the ‘50s vibe seemed somewhat anachronistic when paired with the ‘80s-themed album art, I found myself tapping my toes a bit. But then came the chorus. Who told this guy he could try to be the next Elvis Presley? Those strange vibratos are not working here.
"Give Me Your Heart Tonight"
Now that he has tried and failed as Presley, he’s clearly going after Costello. Congratulations! You have succeeded only in butchering the sound of both Elvis’s.
"Oh Julie"
This sounds much, much better. I’m enjoying the originality. But who’s this Julie? What happened to Josephine? What are we missing? The music itself has gotten better, but the album has yet to offer any genuine continuity to Shakin’ Steven’s love life. Also, this guy’s wish-I-lived-in-the-‘50s image is probably going to be ruined if he’s out courting more than one girl.
"I’ll Be Satisfied"
This song had so much potential, but his falsetto for “all I need” butchered it. It sounds like the beginning to the song “Eddie” in the "Rocky Horror Picture Show," and that is the absolute worst song from that soundtrack. Also, I’m still unsure whether he’s singing to Josephine or Julie. Can albums have plot holes? Apparently so. That said, I can see why this is the song the producers wanted to advertise. At least it’s interesting.
"Vanessa"
Now there’s another girl? I totally understand if this guy is pursuing a polyamorous relationship, but my question is whether these poor girls are actually in on the action or if they’re just being played like a fiddle — or, more likely, a poorly played keyboard — in this guy’s Mormon commune-esque fantasy. Also, “Va-ness-a-va-ness-a-va-ness-a-va-ness-a-va-ness-a” sounds like a poor attempt at sensual stuttering, which I’m assuming was not enjoyed by both parties.
Finally, it’s time to take a breather from that soap opera; we’re on to the second side.
"Boppity Bop"
This song is all right –– not terribly good; not terribly bad. Since there really isn’t much to this song other than some minute catchiness and there are some marginally better songs to choose from, I’m confused as to why it was chosen to lead the second side of the record since there are more inspirational tracks to select. My only question is: What does “baby, please don’t boppity bop” mean?
"Don’t Tell Me We’re Through"
OK, so my assumption is that Josephine found out about the other girls and, rightfully, decided to leave, so Shakin’ Stevens is now trying to win her back with a poorly done, repentance-themed ballad much like his futuristic counterpart, Robin Thicke.
"Shirley"
Another girl? Surely he’s kidding. But “Airplane!” references aside, you run through these ‘80s girls faster than they do hairspray and you want to give this one a diamond ring? Also, why would you call her parents to talk to her? If you’re trying to propose, you probably shouldn’t do it over the phone. You’ve written — albeit terrible — songs for your past muses; I think you can try harder than that.
"Too, Too, Much"
Finally, a song which reflects my feelings about this album. This song, again, is way too wannabe Elvis Presley. Side note: I looked him up while listening to that "Boppity Bop" song and he actually imitated Elvis for a movie back in 1977. Why are producers enabling this kind of behavior?
"(Yeah) You’re Evil"
This song was one of the most enjoyable of the album until it started to feel all too familiar. Suddenly, it dawned upon me: This is such a rip-off of Little Richard’s “Tootie Fruity.” How did copyright not get their hands on this? Probably because no one has willingly gone past the first half of the album. This is a burden only I must bear.
Reach the reporter at aplante@asu.edu or follow her on Twitter @aimeenplante
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