While exploring the seemingly infinite stacks of vinyl at Revolver Records this week, I came across an album boasting three gorgeous women dressed as maids and carrying platters of hors d'oeuvres. Upon first impression, I really had no idea what to expect, though I hoped that it would be a badass female-centric band not unlike No Doubt or Go Betty Go.
I generally avoid doing research before listening to cheap records in hopes of preserving my impression of the album art, yet, for some reason, I found myself drawn to Wikipedia. There, I discovered that À la Carte is a German disco band, which would have been great news considering my own guilty pleasure for eclectic Euro Pop, but À La Carte was not the mastermind behind this album.
As it turns out, the “A La Carte” I currently own is not an eponymous album, but a compilation of artists ranging from Candi Staton to Mavis Staples. In hindsight, I wish I could say that I had figured this out sooner considering how “A La Carte” literally translates to “according to the card,” but I guess we all have lapses in judgement.
What I did discover, however, is that “A La Carte” is the strangest compilation ever made, and not in an entertaining way. Although I enjoyed a few songs here and there, the album as a whole left me confused and, ultimately, annoyed. As a matter of fact, if you’re interested in taking it off my hands, email me at aplante@asu.edu, and I’ll hook you up. For the sake of saving you time, I chose to select only a few songs from each side to review.
Side one:
St. Paradise - “Jackie”
This is probably the worst song they could have chosen to open this album. Not only is it driven by a lead singer with an awful '80s country rock twang, but the cowbell is just excessive (no offense, Christopher Walken) and the guitar solo paired with a soulful chant of “I will never do you wrong; Jackie, won’t you come on home” urged me to physically respond with a thumbs down. Stay where you are, Jackie. You’re doing fine there.
Jr. Walker - “Wishing on a Star”
This song is more up my alley. The smooth wails of the saxophone mixed with the back-up singers’ “ooh’s" and "ah’s” caught my attention immediately. I felt as though I could start singing along only a minute into the song, at which point I had to apologize right back for my own terrible soprano. Even St. Paradise sounds better than I do.
Con Hunley - “Since I Fell For You”
Although there seems to be no logic to this compilation other than the apparent agreement to torturously confuse its listeners, the standard third-song ballad break was not overlooked. This, too, features soulful women backing up Hunley’s lovely expression of his adoration. I’m not at all surprised that someone fell for that voice.
Side two:
Bellamy Brothers - “If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body, Would You Hold it Against Me”
Despite the awful pick-up line of a track title and the continuing theme of country singing, this song is the catchiest of the album. The soft keyboards which set the tone for the entire song are reminiscent of the classic “Piña Colada” song, and you really can’t go wrong there.
The Sanford/Townsend Band - “Shady Grove”
I’ll bet $5 that the members of this ensemble had at least shoulder-length hair when this song was released. Not only does it scream ‘60s rock, but it has that stereotypical Woodstock intro everyone loves. On that note, I’ll bet another $5 that at least one guy is the owner of an impressively thick mustache.
Side three:
Duncan Browne - “The Wild Places”
OK, this song is absolutely wonderful. Browne blends the perfect mix of eerie and sexy vocals to make a song that matches my spooky (see: Halloween is next week) mood. Not only does it sound good, but the lyrics carry a surprising amount of depth. The song is written as a conversation with a girl he loves as she cries, “I don’t wanna feel like a machine; I'm not the only one who wants to feel the in-between.” Now, that’s what I call intimacy. Go get ‘em, tiger.
Madleen Kane - “Forbidden Love”
This song is so Madonna in the best of ways. The heavy pop and disco influences matched with the heavy sighs which carry the first minute of the song make for a terrific dance tune that I would absolutely listen to over and over again, and most likely will. So far, this side is the best of all, because Madleen Kane is a goddess.
Side four:
The B-52s - “Rock Lobster”
No matter the time or place, I am always a fan of the B-52s, and this is no exception. “Rock Lobster” may very well be the best of this record, as it’s arguably the band’s most popular song following their famed “Love Shack.” I never thought I’d say this, but the B-52s are actually the most conventional band on this album. That throws me off quite a bit, actually.
Bootsy’s Rubber Band - “Jam Fan (Hot)”
This song is so uplifting and funky that I wish it had been the theme for the rest of the album. Bootsy’s “Jam Fan” really is hot and a perfect way to end such a confusing mix of music, albeit too little, too late. I’m so drained from the seemingly never-ending convulsions of the last hour that I don’t think I'll be branching out for a while.
Reach the reporter at aplante@asu.edu or follow her on Twitter @aimeenplante
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