Horoscopes for the week of Nov. 20-27

I’m sure you’re all busy toiling away in the intellectual trenches as the end of the semester looms, but the stars (and your faithful guide) are here to offer some respite. There’s a new moon happening on Saturday (not of the Stephenie Meyer variety) that will hand out new beginnings and good vibes the way that Oprah tosses out bees — but only if you’re willing to relinquish the past’s hold on you. The whole zodiac chart is about to debauch upon a newer, mightier world, and I’ve provided the songs and sage advice to assist in your transit.


horoscopes_ariesSong: “Center of Gravity” by Yo La Tengo

You live on a planet (Earth) with a pretty nice level of gravitational pull, Aries. However, this week, you’ve probably felt like you’re floating in the exosphere with minimal gravitational pull to the solid ground you’re typically so comfortably planted on. To pull yourself back down to the ground floor (we miss you), take some time this weekend for activities that ground you. Avoid activities (of the hedonistic and/or illegal variety) that force you to relinquish your grasp on reality. With the end of the semester looming over us all, your guide to the stars prescribes taking a long walk, cleaning your apartment/house/dorm/spaceship, listening to Enya — anything that you might consider “meditative.” You don’t want to find yourself halfway to Saturn when you’re trying to write a term paper next week.

horoscopes-taurusSong"Disappointed" by Morrisey

The word "disappointment” is probably flashing in neon lights for you right now. Perhaps you’re thinking that your significant other isn’t putting their fair share of effort into your relationship, or maybe (for you lonesome, single folks), you think the sea has been just about drained of potential fishes. Don’t let these thoughts get you down! Disappointment often has very little to do with the “reality” of things but, rather, with your perception of things. Sure, you may need to make a few adjustments in your love life (I don’t know, try talking to people at parties or having an honest conversation with your current flame). What’s more likely, however, is that you need to look at the situation in a different light. Reassess and approach it from a different angle.

horoscopes-geminiSong: “Tidal Wave” by Thee Oh Sees

For all of you Geminis who hate group projects, the stars have good news: Your collaborative efforts (especially after Saturday’s new moon) will work out quite nicely for you. Now is not the time to be a lonesome dove; find a flock of doves to dart off into the sky with. This surge of good group vibes will spill forth into other areas of your life, too. You’re about to catch, as surfers probably say, a “totally rad wave” that will make life satisfying again (after a few weeks of it being a total humdrum lame stain). This wave will bring with it a bevy of creativity and new ideas — capitalize on them.

horoscopes-cancerSong: “Relax, Take It Easy” by Mika

Look, your guide to the stars is with you in the trenches combating final projects and all that nonsense, but the tea leaves suggest you take a break from this intellectual battlefield for a hot second (or two, or seventy) this weekend. If you don’t rest up now, you’ll have no gusto left by the time the semester nears its high-octane climax (i.e. finals). The weekend will pour unto you all the good vibes and rejuvenation you desperately need. Go pet a puppy or something. What your guide to the stars doesn’t suggest is staring at a Buzzfeed list of Welsh Corgis for seven hours until your brain becomes a bowl of oatmeal. That doesn’t really count as relaxation; it dulls your senses and drains your energy, Cancer.

horoscopes-leoSong: "Let's Get Away From It All" by Frank Sinatra

Oh, Leo, your faithful guide to the stars (finally) has some good news for you. There’s going to be some planetary mumbo-jumbo happening this weekend in your fifth house of love and pleasure (not to mention a cleansing new moon on Saturday), which means a whole cruise ship of delights await you if you’re willing to embark on the voyage. You may not encounter an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet (literal cruises are great for dishing out waffles ad infinitum), but you’ll have a grand old time. Take some time off from the intellectual trenches of school (but not too much time) and sunbathe in a newfound sense of optimism. If you hold on to this optimistic perspective, you’ll find your passage through the tail end of this year to be rather pleasant.

horoscopes-virgoSong: "New Theory" by Washed Out

Saturday’s new moon (not of the Stephenie Meyer kind, don’t you worry) promises you a grand new beginning. You’ve felt stuck in sand/mud/tangled fibers of a relationship over the past few months, but now you’ll finally be able to free yourself and carry on with your journey. Let the past go, kiddo, for we cannot tarry here! We debauch upon a newer, mightier world! Fresh and strong the world we seize — someone cut me off; I think you get the picture.

horoscopes-libraSong: "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves

With regard to the emotional realm of your life, it’s been a challenging (to say the least for some of you) year. Sure, things have been going well in other areas of your life, but the emotional turmoil and unease just hasn’t let up! But, ah, there is a forthcoming break in the clouds, courtesy of Saturday’s new moon. The sun is coming out tomorrow, let me tell you. Perhaps this will mean a relationship (romantic or otherwise) will begin to repair itself or you’ll come to a new understanding of how your emotional chemistry works. If you’re willing to relinquish your grasp on the past, you’ll find things will start to fall into place again.

horoscopes-scorpioSong: "Lady Daydream" by Mr Twin Sister 

You’re no stranger to magic, mystical Scorpio (I mean, you are reading your horoscope, after all), and that’s a good thing because the weekend and weeks ahead will certainly feel imbued with a decent dose of magic. The dreams you’ve been a’dreaming will start becoming a reality if you keep a positive outlook. Don’t sell yourself short. You can (the stars willing) really make those daydreams of an exciting relationship or a satisfying creative endeavor if you, you know, decide that they can be more than just a dream. The stars and tea leaves are rooting for you right now.

horoscopes-sagittariusSong: "All Eyes on You" by St. Lucia

Saturday’s new moon is calling for sunshine, lollipops and new beginnings for almost everyone, but no sign will experience as much positive energy as you, Sagittarius. I’m not out to excessively toot your horn, but since the new moon is happening in your sign, all eyes will be on you this weekend. Don’t shrink away from the limelight! Your guide to the stars wonders why the light is lime, but that’s unrelated to the fact that it’s almost your birthday and a major positive turn is taking place in your life right now. Of course, to truly move into this new era, you’ve got to be ready to let go of the past. It hangs on in mysterious ways, so some minor investigative work might be required. Pull out the magnifying glass and put on your dancing shoes!

horoscopes-carpicornSong: "She's a Rejecter" by Of Montreal

There’s a weird taste in your mouth right now, Capricorn. It might be the bitter taste of rejection, but don’t let that overwhelm your palette or perspective on the week. A lot of this has to do with your perception of your social situation — which is not really as depressing as it may seem. You’ll have a nice palette cleanser this weekend, though, with the new moon. This weekend will feel like brushing your teeth, but if you were to metaphorically brush your entire life. Things will start anew, but only if you’re prepared to look at things from a different perspective.

horoscopes-aquariusSong: "Puppet To The Man" by Kurt Vile

This week might bring you into a combative arena with The Man, which may or may not work out in your favor. Regardless, you’ve got one heck of a support system with your friends; a nice group hug might be all you need to rebound if The Man has you down. Another thing that’s important to keep in mind when facing the world is your emotional outlook on the charade of life. Keep up the positivity and optimism (but, like, an authentic optimism, not the strained smile of a corporate coffee barista), and you’ll find that the minor obstacles in your way won’t be that difficult to eliminate. Not that the stars are saying you’ve been imbued with the superpowers necessary to defeat The Man, but personal progress is something you can make a lot of in the coming weeks.

horoscopes-piscesSong: "Doors Unlocked And Open" by Death Cab for Cutie

Saturday’s new moon will open a few metaphorical doors for you, dear Pisces, and the tea leaves suggest you waltz on through one of them. There’s oodles and oodles of opportunity waiting for you on the other side; the problem is just that you’re not sure behind which door you’ll find the new car. By new car, I obviously don’t mean you’re going to win a shiny car. I’m using that as a symbol. There’s quite a flurry of indecisive clouds hanging in the sky, but if you really think about it (you know, calmly), you know which door is the right one for you.

Reach the guide to the stars at Zachariah.Webb@asu.edu or follow him for sagely advice on Twitter at @zachariahkaylar

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