The time has finally come for my last review of cheap vinyl. I am lucky to have had so many charming experiences with artists, most of whom I never would have known had it not been for their exquisite tastes in cover art and, frankly, not-so-exquisite taste in actual music. For this reason, I found myself searching earnestly through Revolver Record’s vinyls for the perfect finale to this hilarious progression of sob stories and happily ever afters.
I was about 20 minutes into the sale items when I discovered the one: A slightly worn cover decorated with a burly, wannabe sex symbol clothed in nothing but a terribly paired blazer and ascot. It was a sight that would horrify even the least fashionable of the millennial culture (see: The post-Y2K fedora).
Honestly, how could I pass up an opportunity to spend an hour with a man whose eyes poured into my soul upon first glance? I can only expect great things from this album now that I know he was the mastermind behind the score of “A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child.”
Sarcasm aside, I do hope this record results in something other than a boiler room. Goodness knows I could do without another sequel from that movie.
Side One:
“Shakedown Cruise”
OK, we’re off to a damn good start if the first song on this album brings me back to my days of jammin’ to Disney’s first “Goofy Movie.” This excitement was unfortunately short-lived once I was introduced to a guy who clearly thinks he’s a neo-Tom Petty with a Pink Floyd influence. I mean, that key change almost two minutes in was honestly just unnatural. That said, once the song picked up again, I found myself beginning to enjoy the awkward use of cowbell. Stockholm Syndrome, perhaps? Oh well.
“No Secrets”
Oh, dear God, all I can hear is a tambourine getting shook to no avail, and, what’s worse, the person abusing this poor instrument missed a beat. If I use all of my energy to pay attention to something else, however, the song isn’t so bad. I could personally do without the electric guitar solo since that’s not really my era, but at least it’s well done. Sort of.
“Real Life Ain’t This Way”
This track is completely different from all the others on this album so far, which explains why I actually like it. The saxophone sounds a bit Dillards-kitchenware-department-after-dark, but the rest of the song is reminiscent of a good Hall & Oats song. Not too shabby, Jay. Not too shabby at all.
Side Two:
“Do It Again”
Of course, we’re back to the blasé guitar riffs of the ‘80s. This song seems like it should get played at a NASCAR race tailgate party or a fair for parents entering their mid-life crises. Jay begs us to “never dare stop,” but, honestly, all I could think throughout the second half of the song is how much I wish the four-minute track would end already.
“Let’s Spend the Night Together”
Finally, a genuinely well-done song! All it took was covering a song by The Rolling Stones. Jay hints at Billy Joel with a nice touch of background singers chanting “ba-da’s” throughout the intro. I’m not sure I’m quite ready to tell Jay “a story of how much I adore” him, but he’s officially off to a better start. I just hope he keeps up this trend.
“City of Angels”
I have no idea what kind of instrument plays at the beginning of this track, but I like it. I’ve never been a fan of Los Angeles, but I may just consider it after hearing this song. Jay should really stick to his slower tracks, because he actually has a pretty nice command of his voice. Just put the whammy bar down a bit next time, Jay. I know it’s hard.
Reach the reporter at aplante@asu.edu or follow her on Twitter @aimeenplante
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