In any service or retail job, you'll get at least one customer from hell. At a coffee shop, though, your customers sometimes develop these habits that are so annoying you could crush a handful of coffee beans and throw them in their face. I don't know if this is bred simply from an "I'm paying you so give me what I want" mentality or if some customers are simply ignorant. Whatever the case, here are the five most annoying things that coffee shop patrons do.
Habit the first: Thinking that rules don't apply to you
Believe it or not, this is a business. I'm sorry that we don't give out free coffee or tea refills, but this product is high-quality and very expensive to procure. It doesn't matter how regularly you visit us; unless my boss tells me that you get free coffee, you don't get free coffee. No, those cookies are not free just because they're sitting ever so temptingly in that shiny glass jar. You cannot just stick your hand in like a toddler and grab one. Maricopa County (and the entire nation, for that matter) has strict health standards, and bare, grimy hands contaminating entire batches of cookies make me less than amicable.
Habit the second: Thinking we're Starbucks
I'm a 19-year-old college girl and I still don't know what the Starbucks sizes are. I know there's a tall that's actually a small, which, in my opinion, is quite possibly the dumbest oxymoron I've ever heard. Then there's a grande, which I think is the medium size, and is surprisingly not very large. The venti exists, and I only know that because I parlo un piccolo d'Italiano. Venti means 20, and it's 20 ounces, so I guess I get it.
Like any other store in the world, I use small, medium and large to describe sizes. So when someone comes in asking for a grande latte, I'll smile politely and ask again if you want a small, medium or large. If you say "whatever a grande is," I'll probably give you a large because grande means large.
There seems to be confusion about what a macchiato is. A macchiato is, by definition, espresso with foamed milk on top. However, Starbucks has created this new form of a macchiato that's really just a vanilla latte, and a lot of people seem confused when I ask if they want a traditional or Starbucks macchiato. If you stare at me, I assume Starbucks. I think, in the year I worked at the cafe, I only made two traditional macchiatos.
Habit the third: Add-ons after you've placed your order
Stuff costs money. That's the great, wonderful nature of the world of capitalism that we live in. If I've already handed you your receipt, your transaction is complete. Asking for extra syrup or flavors, changing your milk preference or size--these all cost money. Granted, it's not a lot of money, but I get in trouble for just pouring half a cup of cherry syrup into your Italian soda.
Espresso is expensive too. If I'm making your latte and you peer over the espresso machine and ask me to add another shot, we can go back to the register and ring you up for another 54 cents. No, you can't just put a dollar in the tip jar, as much as I'd like that; that's just bribing me, not actually paying for your product.
Habit the fourth: Not using the bus cart
As a general rule, it's safe to say that if you have to go up to a counter to order, you should throw your own trash away. I am a server, not a servant, and I'm certainly not your mother. We have a big bus cart for you to put your dirty dishes in, and I get pretty angry having to peel your gum off of our porcelain dishes.
I understand that some people don't know that certain places have bus carts, and that's fine. I'm happy to show you so that you know next time, and then there are no hard feelings. But what's really annoying is when someone comes up to the counter and asks about where to put their dirty dishes, I explain the bus cart, and then they say, "Oh. Can't you just take them?" Don't ask if you don't want to do what I tell you to do. Just leave them on the counter if you're too lazy to walk the extra ten feet to the bus cart.
Habit the fifth: Getting too comfortable
Don't get me wrong, I love it when people feel comfortable at the shop. It was, and is, a second home to me, and I want you to feel happy and comfortable here too. I draw the line, though, when you're lying down on the couch with your shirt riding up, exposing your belly, and falling asleep.
This may be like your home, but the cafe space is not your living room. You may feel right at home, but other customers don't want to eat their panini next to some random guy snoozing on the leather couch. There's a lot you can get away with, but if you're tired, go home or buy coffee.
What are some of your coffee shop pet peeves? Reach the columnist at Nicole.Tyau@asu.edu and on Twitter @nicoletyau_ASU.
Nicole Tyau is a sophomore at ASU and also works for The State Press as an opinions columnist. She is majoring in journalism with a focus in print and multimedia. One of the biggest tools in her written arsenal is sarcasm, so enjoy the ride and don’t take it too seriously.
