For many, romance is the end-all-be-all for a relationship. It is widely believed that one cannot have a healthy or meaningful relationship without romance. This is a result of the media portraying romance as the ingredient for the perfect “happily ever after.”
However, many find that when they have been in a relationship for a significant amount of time the romance begins to fizzle out. A lot of people view this as a failing relationship. However, this isn’t necessarily true.
It is natural for romance to disappear within relationships, especially long term ones or ones that involve balancing work and college. This doesn’t mean there is not any love left in the relationship. As long as there is a solid foundation of trust, mutual respect and communication, the relationship can be healthy and long-lasting.
"Without clear, intersectional communication you might not know what each partner considers romantic. To have the optimal relationship you need to have really clear, and strong communication," said Versha Anderson, graduate communication teaching associate at ASU. "We're shown a lot of really dramatic portrayals of romance. If you have this as an expectation you may perceive the romance as fizzling out. In fact, these gestures are difficult to sustain, and its unrealistic to expect them all the time."
Romance is exciting, but it is not meant to last forever. As college students, we often get intoxicated with this rush. We crave it, actively seeking it out. Often, we cannot imagine a relationship without romance.
With so many dating apps at our fingertips, this becomes an increasingly easy feat. Many students end up becoming addicted to these dating apps, and the instant validation they provide. This can lead to some seriously unhealthy relationships, and relationship expectations.
Romance is important for establishing a relationship. It is what initially attracts two partners to each other. However, if there is nothing else building the foundation of the relationship besides romance, the relationship will ultimately fail.
Without communication we cannot realistically expect to have a long term relationship. It helps us to gain a better understanding of our partners. Additionally, it resolves conflict, creates closeness and facilities empathy.
Communication also establishes trust. A relationship without trust will be fueled by jealousy, and resentment. Obviously, this is a shaky foundation. Trust creates a sense of closeness and safety that reinforces a strong and committed relationship.
Respect is also a major factor of a healthy relationship. If partners do not respect each other, there is no motivation to be there for one another. This behavior is imperative to maintain a healthy relationship.
Ultimately we need to understand that romance does not equate to love. Sure, its passionate, thrilling and fun. However, it will not last forever and it will not create fulfilling relationship.
Once we can grasp this concept we can have better expectations regarding healthy relationships.
Reach the columnist at sljorda4@asu.edu or follow @skyjordan4 on Twitter.
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the author’s and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
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