Whenever somebody asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my 6-year-old self's answer fluctuated between actress and author.
I've always been a performer, according to my parents. They signed me up for ballet classes at the ripe age of three, and my dad's favorite anecdote is when I forced him to act in skits I created to show our family.
Tech rehearsals and more performances than I can count made up a majority of my life. Between choir, dance and theater, I was my high school's poster child for the arts. Not to brag, but I was "most likely to be on Broadway" in my senior yearbook.
But when it came time for college decisions, disapproving guidance counselors and family members rejected any inkling of pursuing a creative field.
I'd been told I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up, but that wasn't exactly true. I could be whatever I wanted as long as it fell into a professional, respectable, well-paying box.
Choosing my career path transformed from a source of excitement to dread.
Picking my major felt like throwing a dart with a blindfold on. I was a competent writer and outgoing enough to talk to people, so my mom suggested journalism, something I had never done before.
As Sylvia Plath might say, my fig tree shriveled up and died right before my eyes. It was time for me to set off on another path.
I was launched head first into one of the most confusing and transformative times of my life.
College promises freedom and a place to pursue your passions. Since being here, I've realized that it's not as cut-and-dry as the admissions brochures make it seem.
It's incredibly hard to maintain time for leisurely activities amid deadlines and homework.
If you don't make a conscious effort to maintain passions, they die. Nobody talks about how easy it is for childhood dreams to get buried under the weight of adulthood.
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But it's deeper than a lack of time. In the fast-paced world of academia, there's no place for enjoying a play on a night off. Potential employers don't care about your background in theater.
Sure, I can play a game of Zip-Zap-Zop like nobody's business and cry on command, but the world we're living in doesn't exactly value humanities.
As enriching as the arts are to me, it's undeniable that they're looked down upon. According to a survey by CivicScience, 70% of Americans "rarely or never" saw live theater in 2022.
The National Arts Statistics and Evidence-based Reporting Center found that American attendance to art galleries, ballets and other music performances declined between 2017 and 2022.
The NASERC suggests the decline may be due to lingering effects of COVID, but Americans also simply aren't as interested in the arts as they used to be.
It's all pretty bleak. And my solution?
Truthfully, I'm still figuring it out.
There's no way to convince people your passions aren't a waste of time. And after being dismissed for so long, it becomes a matter of convincing yourself.
What seems so possible at a young age can morph into an embarrassing delusion when you push it aside long enough.
For my own sanity, I've had to actively build time into my life for artistic endeavors.
As a start, I took an acting class this semester. And while I haven't snagged the leading role in "Wicked" yet, it's nice to have a few hours a week dedicated to the thing I love.
I keep humanities centered however I can. I attend shows, pop into a dance class every now and then and interview performers for articles.
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Of course, it's not quite the same. There's always a lingering frustration that my passion isn't viewed as worthwhile and I don't exist in a society that emphasizes arts.
Stepping into the "real world" has been jarring, to say the least. Suddenly, my passions became childish hobbies that were time to leave behind.
Besides the typical coming-of-age pains, I've had to accept that my real life would be nothing like my starry-eyed inner child had imagined.
I traded late nights backstage for late nights in a newsroom. It's not quite as glamorous, but it's something I've come to terms with.
So, when I get asked the grown-up equivalent of my previous question: What are your post-grad plans?
I hope for a world where the answer is reporter, actress, author, activist, playwright, scholar and whatever else I want it to be.
Edited by Senna James, Sophia Braccio and Pippa Fung.
Reach the reporter at ajanusee@asu.edu and follow @lexijanusee on X.
Like The State Press on Facebook and follow @statepress on X.
Lexi Janusee is in her second semester with the State Press. She is a freshman studying Journalism and Mass Communications with a minor in Theatre. Lexi also works for Blaze Radio, and is an on-air host for Open Mic.
