You meet someone new and are instantly drawn to them. A friendship begins, time is spent with one another, compliments are shared. A connection is formed that is just a step further than the countless other friendships you have. This is usually the beautiful start of a romantic relationship — but you already have one of those.
The phrase “It’s not like I kissed them” or “It’s not like we did anything” can be heard everywhere as it is uttered by many college students. Cheating isn’t just hooking up or physically being with a person other than your significant other. Cheating can purely be having a significant emotional relationship with someone.
Let’s start with a classic staple of flirting: compliments. Compliments are always kind, and can just be a way to brighten someone’s day. Saying “You look nice today” to someone of the opposite sex is definitely not cheating. However, there is a fine line between simply complimenting someone and flirting. Complimenting someone every day raises some concern. This shows you dwell on their appearance a tad more than you should, and it may be much more than a passing thought.
On the opposite side, let’s say you dress up for them, and you begin to value their compliments higher than anyone else’s. Regularly praising each other on appearance, and other various traits, basically screams, “I’m attracted to you,” which is usually the first step to crossing the line into the physical elements of cheating.
Spending time with people other than your significant other is a necessity, and it is beneficial to have other friends, of course. However, do you invest a lot of time into one specific person? Once you begin to make time for someone regularly, they begin to take precedence in your life. You might soon find yourself saying phrases such as, “We click really well,” or “They understand me.”
As good as that may be, you may begin to think you click with them better than your significant other. More importantly, if you begin to prefer spending time with your new “friend” much more than your significant other, there is a problem. The golden rule of this issue is simple: If you’re not telling them about this person, or when you’re with this person, it’s wrong. You obviously want to keep them separate for a reason.
Similarly, when you explain to other friends about this person, and you find yourself using the phrase, “But we're just friends,” you might not be just friends. By using this phrase, it can appear that you are trying to cover up questionable behavior that you have just disclosed.
When you are initially attracted to someone, and like spending time with someone, you begin to think about this person regularly. If you begin to fantasize about being with this person, or dream up different scenarios between the two of you, the right person isn’t on your mind.
Confiding in someone and disclosing various aspects of your life usually takes any relationship to a higher level. If you find yourself telling your “friend” about various intimate emotions or problems you’re dealing with, an emotional connection will begin to form. This isn’t necessarily wrong.
However, if you find yourself telling this person more than you tell your other half, you obviously feel a stronger connection to this person on some sort of level, which should raise some concern. Accordingly, if you confide in this person about your relationship, especially the woes, you may start to think things would be easier with your new “friend.” Usually, your “friend” is going to have feelings for you in the same way as you have for them. Confiding in them your relationship problems gives them an opportunity to showcase that they wouldn’t behave in the same way, making for a sticky situation.
Emotional cheating is a regular occurrence and has been labeled to be not as bad as physically cheating on your significant other. To this, I disagree. It is easy to find someone you’re attracted to and would like to become physical with. It is much more of a rare occurrence to find someone you are emotionally drawn to. With that, emotional cheating is much more detrimental to your current relationship, as the emotional aspect to a relationship is much more important.
Reach the columnist at dpharias@asu.edu or follow her on Twitter @_Desirayray
Editor’s note: The opinions presented in this column are the author’s and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
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