Last week, ASU was chosen for the inaugural “Most Innovative School” by the “U.S. News and World Report.” We thought on this for a bit, and realized that there are plenty of other things that ASU could rank No. 1 in. See below for our selections, from scariest mascot to most likely to establish a lunar campus.
Scariest university mascot
We’re just going to throw this out there — Sparky is scary. While other schools are represented by ducks, buffalo and huskies, Satan is on the field at every game with our teams. Several years ago, ASU proposed a redesigned Sparky and everyone hated it. The creepy angles of the face and black, lifeless eyes haunted our dreams. While a redesigned Sparky was a much-needed update to the old costume, which was so obviously a dude in flame pants and a felt head, we still walk the other way from the new Sparky when we see it creeping towards us.
Most sweaty people per classroom
Arizona summers are no joke, and the first day of classes is literal hell on Earth. Everyone walks into class with sweat mustaches and other awkward reminders of our humanity. The plus side is it binds everyone together. Once you’ve seen someone with the imprint of their backpack stamped into their shirt in sweat, you’re going to be friends for life.
Most likely to blow it in a big game
If it’s an important football game, chances are the Sun Devils will be woefully unprepared. At the 2013 Pac-12 Championship Game, arguably ASU’s biggest in the Todd Graham-era, the Sun Devils allowed the Cardinal to net 517 yards of total offense in the 38-14 beatdown. And let’s not forget ASU’s most recent disappointment against Texas A&M, when the Sun Devils missed their chance to show the SEC that the Pac-12 is a comparable conference.
Most engaged with the community
ASU has a reputation (in fact, it’s enshrined in our fair president’s plan for the New American University) to be socially embedded. Many of the initiatives to make this this are medically oriented. In the near future, Westward Ho will be expanded, with ASU’s own Center for Applied Behavioral Health Policy and the College of Public Service and Community Solutions taking up the first floor of the building. This kind of ground-floor, outward-facing initiative is just one of a multitude of programs that ASU has implemented to better our communities.
Best comeback from a multi-year stint on party school lists
Sun Devils know how to party. That doesn’t need to be said. However, ASU has not graced the list of “top party schools,” either Princeton Review’s or Playboy’s. This is a major feat that can be attributed to Crow and the plan for the New American University, which helped turn ASU from a scoffed at party school to a revered research university.
Most likely to establish a lunar campus
As The State Press reported earlier this month, the School of Earth Science and Space Exploration was chosen to lead a lunar exploration mission. The stated purpose of the mission is to find water, but we think it’s to scout out a good location for a sixth campus: a lunar campus. One suggestion for the dean of this new campus would be a clone of Michael Crow because, you know, reasons. Schools that could exist on the moon might include journalism, aptly renamed “Buzz Aldrin School of Journalism and Mass Communication, on the moon.”
Highest fees charged for using the sidewalk
Here at ASU, we nickel and dime students every chance we get. It’s $75 here for athletics, $25 there for recreation and quite a few others in between. This year our Undergraduate Student Governments and Graduate Professional Associations may propose fees for sidewalk use and clean air.
Want to join the conversation? Send an email to opiniondesk.statepress@gmail.com. Keep letters under 300 words and be sure to include your university affiliation. Anonymity will not be granted.
Like The State Press on Facebook and follow @statepress on Twitter.
