Students and parents alike have long assumed that college life comes with a hint of sexual experimentation. Some ASU students are taking the next step and exploring their sexual preferences through BDSM.
BDSM, commonly known as Bondage and Dominance, Sadism and Masochism, is a set of sexual practices that involves various fetishes and kinks with one or more partners.
Recent celebrities have popularized this form of sexual expression through infamous hits such as Rihanna's "S&M," in which the pop singer said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.” Chains and whips are just one of the few tools used in the practice of BDSM.
Bailey Wendelberger of Devils in the Bedroom said BDSM is not just limited to intercourse. The practice has an important key factor that is often overlooked in popular culture and media: consent.
"In BDSM, many scenes actually don't include sex, so talking through comfort levels and having judgment-free communication before, during and after is essential to creating a safe environment," Wendelberger wrote in an email. "Consent is active, voluntary and continuous."
Biology senior Lindsay Rea and her partner, ASU alumnus Lee Tribbie, have been together for two years and met on a the website FetLife, a Facebook for the kinksters of the world. Before joining FetLife and meeting Rea, Tribbie explored BDSM through pornography, he said.
“I was a teenager and started exploring stuff like that,” Tribbie said. “You see movies and porn, and you start exploring more, doing more research. The more you research, the more you get deeper.”
Rea also said her first experiences with BDSM was through pornography.
“I never watched 'normal' porn,” Rea said. “I started watching girl-on-girl and bondage. The other stuff was boring to me.”
BDSM came into the spotlight again when the movie and book series "Fifty Shades of Grey" sparked controversy last February over the often taboo subject of bondage and dominance.
Although the “toys” in "Fifty Shades of Grey" were accurate, the movie didn’t accurately represent the BDSM community, Rea said.
Rea and Tribbie said they wish people would look deeper into what BDSM really is.
“His attitude and the way he was treating her was very controlling and demanding and jealous," Tribbie said. “In a real BDSM relationship there’s communication and trust, which is very important.”
Communication and consent are a major part of the BDSM community. Before participating in acts of BDSM or committing to a relationships members often discuss consent, and even go as far as making contracts — a list of do’s and don’ts that includes safe words.
Rea said that the community often stresses the need for consent and why it’s so important for participants.
“Consent is very important in the BDSM community,” Rea said. "It’s a huge deal. You are doing things that could hurt a person.”
Despite the negative connotation behind BDSM, Tribbie said that he remains very open about his sex life and is willing to discuss it with others, such as his friends and classmates.
“I’m pretty open about (my sex life),” Tribbie said. “My classmates and friends and my parents know. We have pictures of ourselves in our fetish gear on. We’re pretty out in the open and you definitely become a more accepting person and non-judgmental towards others."
Rea said she has always been open about sex with her friends.
“I’m not gonna force it on someone. I’m not gonna parade it and flaunt it in people’s faces. But (BDSM) makes me a little more understanding and I have a wider perspective," she said.
Tony, a film junior who prefers to not use his last name for his protection, said he has always shown interest in BDSM, even before he practiced it in his adult life.
As a child, Tony would often have girls tie him up while playing in class, he said. Although he didn’t know what that meant in regards to his sexuality at the time, he later developed a strong interest and understanding of BDSM, he said.
Despite his sex positivity, there are also drawbacks when speaking about the other side of his sex life, Tony said.
“It’s easy to be open, but you have to be cautious,” Tony said. “It’s kind of lonely because there’s the overwhelming possibility with the subject matter the person will act exceedingly judging.”
Although college students mostly practice what Tony refers to as “vanilla sex," he said students, while young, should still enjoy and have as much sexual freedom as they want.
“(Sex) is the most basic and enjoyable urge that a human has,” Tony said. “Sex is the best thing you can do for your body both physically and emotionally. Let go complete control of your body and give it to someone you trust.”
Related Links:
'50 Shades of Grey' a festival of abuse porn
Virginity still admirable in the face of 'Generation seX'
Reach the reporter at sgreene6@asu.edu or follow @thesydneygreene on Twitter.
Like The State Press on Facebook and follow @statepress on Twitter.
