It is a parody
Sophomore Phil Peepinski had long ignored his academic adviser's advice to expand his horizons and study abroad. But not this semester.
"I always felt like I'd been missing out on something," Peepinski said at his cramped Manzanita dorm room, pulling over his head a black ski mask he'd recently purchased. "At first I thought I'd go to Asia or South America, or maybe even back to Europe, where I have some family. Then I figured out that my adviser had it all wrong.
"I needed to study a broad."
Peepinski, a sophomore double majoring in psychology and anthropology, began his study of freshman exercise science major Mindera Johnson a few days ago, and said that so far he's been very impressed.
"You really should see her in her jogging shorts," said Peepinski, wiping saliva from the corner of his mouth. "She lives down the hall from me and I've had my eye on her for quite some time. When I decided to study a broad, it was definitely an easy choice."
Peepinski said he tried to recruit his roommate, computer science freshman Josh Frubdingheimer, to join him. But Frubdingheimer refused, calling Peepinski a "weirdo" and saying he "needed to get some serious help."
"I don't know what Josh's deal is," Peepinski said. "He's really missing out."
Informed of his roommate's comments, Frubdingheimer was aghast.
"That dude is sick," Frubdingheimer said. "I tried telling him that this 'studying' was actually 'stalking,' and that he could go to jail for it, but he wouldn't listen to me. He'd just say stuff like, 'Man, you don't know what you're talking about,' or 'Lots of people watch girls take off their clothes through night-vision goggles.'"
Peepinski said that so far, due largely to his brilliant covert work, Johnson, a 5-foot-9 platinum-blonde showstopper, has no idea that she's being watched.
"And it better stay that way," said an obviously concerned Peepinski, brandishing what appeared to be a Super Soaker water rifle. "I love Melinda. I don't know what I'd do without her.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, Spy Headquarters is having a sale on high-power binoculars."
