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Why on god's green earth would anyone not eat meat? It tastes so good!

We have all known that obnoxious vegetarian who was hell-bent on converting the world to the depths of alfalfa-sprout consumption, but maybe there are some non-obnoxious vegetarians out there too.

Chances are, their lack of obnoxiousness makes them less likely to be heard, however. We will give them a voice then, whether they're obnoxious or not.

For starters, let's define vegetarianism. A vegetarian is someone who does not eat animals, including chicken or fish. A real vegetarian also avoids animal by-products derived from dead animals. Dairy products do not count here. Snow-capped lard does.

So, what about that cousin of yours who says, "No thanks! I don't eat hot dogs. I'm a vegetarian!" and then sinks her teeth into a grilled chicken-breast sandwich? Not a vegetarian. And that tree-hugger friend who doesn't eat chicken, but orders sushi at Sakis?

Not a vegetarian.

Most vegetarians do, however, eat eggs and dairy products. They are called ovo-lacto vegetarians. If they do not eat eggs, they are lacto vegetarians. If they do not eat dairy products, they are called vegans.

So why would anybody do any of this? Why not just eat the damn cow? That's what cows are here for, right?

There are three main reasons people decide to stop eating meat: moral, health and environmental reasons.

The moral claim is the most obvious. There are many people who have been turned off to meat since an early age, whether it be from overall sensitivity, or disgust at finding one of those sinewy little white balls of god-knows-what in a sausage link.

It is common to gradually wean away from meat, usually ousting steak and hamburgers first and lastly bidding adieu to "less meaty" meat such as turkey breast and frozen fish sticks. Then there are the people who say "screw it" to the gradual method and crash course on the vegetarian scene. They are often the first to abandon it.

It is difficult to quickly give up staple foods and not feel at loss. The best solution for the wannabe vegetarian is to give up meat slowly, and replace favorite or commonly consumed meals with new good-tasting, satisfying foods.

Woe is the vegetarian who is left only with frozen pizzas and bean burritos. Chances are, this person will not be "faithful" very long, unless they often hear the tales of animal cruelty that made them go veg in the first place.

We all know the plight of the baby calf locked in a dark crate not big enough for the animal to turn in or stretch. The point of this practice is to keep the newborn animal's flesh fatty. If he can move and stretch, not-so-tender muscles will form, and those don't taste very good.

Calves are not the only animals treated cruelly, however. Animal slaughterhouse workers consistently rank high in national worker-turnover surveys.

There are reasons.

Killing animals is extremely bloody work that does not happen instantly. Animals (usually kept in tight, filthy places their entire lives) are herded into death lines, squealing and screaming, particularly if the intended kill-method is not efficient.

Cows are often killed by having their throats slashed, but it does not always work the way it's supposed to, leaving the dying animal in pools of its blood before finally passing away.

Even chickens don't have it very easy. On large farms (small operations are far more humane) chickens beaks are often systematically broken off so the chickens will not kill each other while fighting in the claustrophobic spaces in which they live.

Not everyone cares, but vegetarians do. Another reason people go veg is because of health concerns. Meat is usually high in fat and harmful hormones that can cause myriad diseases ranging from obesity to heart disease. A diet rich in soy protein, beans, nuts, starches and vegetables is the chosen alternative for some.

Another reason people go vegetarian is out of environmental concern. The higher one eats on the food chain, the more energy is wasted. A lion, of course, is a carnivore. Lions eat other carnivores and herbivores. Those animals spend years consuming energy (food, water) and the food they ate spent years or months consuming energy too. Instead of eating the lion (or the cow, for instance), humans can eat lower on the food chain by consuming say, more vegetables or plant-based proteins.

This saves massive amounts of energy, as well as water. To feed the average carnivorous human for one day requires 2,300 gallons of water (remember, they are eating an animal which spent years eating other animals or plants, all of which requires water to grow), whereas the average vegetarian requires only 250 gallons of water for the food they consume.

These concepts don't have to mean anything to you. We live in a nearly free market that allows us to make our own consumer decisions, whether we're purchasing a new car or ground-round beef.

Vegetarians, however, take heed of this information and try to put their "dollar votes" toward what they consider to be more healthy, humane and environmental agencies than the meat industry.

But does that have to ruin your dinner?

No.

Not unless you get stuck sitting next to one of those obnoxious vegetarians.


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