There are few noble callings left that give people a genuine opportunity to help others. It strikes me that psychiatrists, doctors, and advice columnists alike all seem to have this ability. However, it seems increasingly less likely that people will approach advice columnists after what Abigail Van Buren did two weeks ago.
The columnist, also known as Dear Abby, decided that she would meet one man's call for help with a call of her own ... to the Milwaukee PD.
Not only should this be viewed as a breach of advice columnist-lonely reader privilege, but it also flies in the face of everything NWA has taught us. In their brilliant words, "Fu*# tha Po-lice!"
A 28-year-old man named Paul Weiser wrote to Dear Abby because he had fantasies about the daughters of a woman he had been seeing. Specifically, the man mentioned that the 10-year-old daughter "really understood" him and that had caused some sexual fantasies.
There are several things wrong with this man, beginning with the fact that he writes into Dear Abby. But beside that, he mentioned that he would never act on his fantasies and had sought help from doctors in the past who did not help these cravings. The man's request: for Abby to help him or tell him whom could.
Apparently, she thought it would be helpful for the man to be raped by some big hairy prison men. After Abby (let's not dignify her with her real name) alerted the cops, they paid the man a visit and found some pornographic videos with minors on his computer. Now he's facing up to 10 years in prison. That ought to teach him to ask somebody for help.
Technically, Abby isn't certified. She doesn't qualify as an acting physician, so she is not bound by the patient-physician provision that binds the rest of people in professions like hers. In Dear Abby's words, "I was just doing my J-O-B. And my job is to help people."
You're an advice columnist! You didn't help anyone. Rather than helping the guy deal with his problems, he's now in jail, and the media is hounding the girl. If helping people is your J-O-B, you S-U-C-K at it.
I understand that the girl might have been in trouble, but from what Abby knew the man had no intent to act on his fantasies.
What he wrote did not constitute grounds for having police search through his entire house. The reason we want things like patient-physician privilege to be respected is that it promotes sick people seeking help. This is an enormous step back.
This type of action on Abby's part puts a whole lot more kids at risk in the long run when people like Paul decide not to talk to a doctor for fear of being reported. In response to this situation Abby said, "I hope everyone involved in this situation gets the help they need." Paul sure isn't getting help. Do you know how much prisoners love people convicted of sex offenses? They're worth at least 8 packs of smokes, 12 if they're Slims ... I've heard.
As for Abby, it doesn't look like any action is going to be taken to give her the help she needs. Maybe she needs to see the Brady Bunch movie to learn, "when you tattletale, you're really telling on yourself. You're telling that you're a tattletale and ought to be fired and killed." Or something like that.
Now some of you might be thinking, "What would have happened if Abby said nothing and the girl was molested?"
Well, I guess I'd feel as bad for her as for any other child that was molested by somebody who didn't deserve to be arrested beforehand. The fact is that Abby did not have a good reason to breach the trust between that man and his doctor.
If the man said he was planning on molesting the child or even that there was a chance he would, I would praise Abby's action. But he was looking for help with a situation he had under control but was just plaguing his mind. That letter does not qualify the man as a clear and present danger, and he should not have been reported.
As for the porn on his computer, if you look hard enough on any college student's computer you'll probably find child porn somewhere in the logs. Right? Am I right guys? I'm right, aren't I? That's right.
I'm not defending criminal's rights because the man wasn't a criminal. You might not like it, but in this country, you're allowed to fantasize about 10-year-olds and you're even allowed to tell people about it. The criminal in this case is Abby for pretending to be something she is not: helpful.
Weiser is going to go to jail for having the decency of seeking help where only a small percentage of people in his situation do.
Thanks Abby, you're making this world a better place -- by slowly getting rid of your readership.
Josh Deahl is a political science and philosophy senior. Reach him at joshua.deahl@asu.edu.
