It's official. Integrity has taken her last dying gasp and passed on from this world, after suffering major complications from a horrible internal disease.
The disease came upon her quite slowly. So slowly, in fact, that she didn't even notice it until it was too late for her to be saved.
And since we here at the State Press are right on top of the news, we're going to show you an exclusive interview with the fallen icon performed by yours truly right before she died.
JW: First of all, Integrity, I would like to say that I am a big fan of your work and I really hope that you are able to pull through the bout with this recent illness.
Integrity: Well, thank you ... cough ... cough ... It is not only my pleasure but also my duty to pass on my wisdom to the world before I pass away. My only hope is that it isn't too late.
JW: Yes, it definitely seems urgent to get your message out. Too late for what, if you don't mind my asking?
Integrity: Too late for me to alter the current path that society is on, because this road is certain to lead towards societal destruction, with a quick stop over in El Paso.
JW: Okay, so what exactly is wrong with the path society is on today, besides the fact that it leads to El Paso?
Integrity: Good question. Let me give you and example. A recent national survey by Rutgers' Management Education Center found that 75 percent of a total of 4500 hundred high school students engage in serious cheating on everything from taking tests to writing research papers.
JW: I didn't know people like you used surveys, particularly surveys done by colleges in New Jersey.
Integrity: Yes, we abstract concepts do tend to use them from time to time, but you are missing the point.
JW: Oh, I am sorry. Please continue.
Integrity: Thank you ... cough ... cough ... he point isn't the fact that these students are cheating on every question they encounter from "What is your name?" to "What is the square-root of four?" The point is that these students don't even consider cheating to be wrong in any way, shape, or form.
JW: I can definitely see how that might be quite bothersome to you.
Integrity: Bothersome? It's not just bothersome. It's murderous. If these children come out of high school having no concept whatsoever of who I am and what I mean, how can I possibly be expected to survive? It is exactly this problem that is killing me right now as we speak…cough…cough.
JW: Really? I thought it was because of an awful smoking habit.
Integrity: What?
JW: Just kidding. Let's move on. So why exactly don't these people, these future leaders of tomorrow, care about you and what you stand for?
Integrity: Let them speak for themselves. One student said, "What's important is getting ahead. The better grades you have, the better school you get into, the better you're going to do in life. And if you learn to cut corners to do that, you're going to be saving yourself time and energy."
JW: That sounds true enough.
Integrity: It does, doesn't it? But what kinds of people are the students who get ahead by cheating on tests and papers?
JW: Straight-'A' students?
Integrity: Funny. They are students who can't do the work without cheating, and are those the kinds of people we want running the country in the future?
JW: I thought we already had people like that running the country right now.
Integrity: Nevermind that. The point is; these students have sold themselves out and traded in their sense of morals for a false sense of success. They have discovered an easy way of doing things that in the end won't help them in their lives. After all, there are only so many ways to get around doing hard work.
JW: And I think I have found just about every single one of them.
Integrity: You annoy me.
JW: Moving right along. So what is the deal with this illness? And why did it take so long for you to discover you had it?
Integrity: The illness is a symbol of what is going on with these students and with many people in the country. It is a combination of laziness and corruption that has spread slowly because it spreads over generations, as more and more of the children of tomorrow are never taught who I am and what I stand for. I call it Fear.
JW: Fear?
Integrity: Yes, Fear, because people such as these students are afraid to take on the world by themselves without help from obscure passages from the Internet and the like.
JW: Well, for both yours and everyone else's sake, I hope they take your message to heart.
Integrity: I hope so as well.
JW: That's all the time we have though. Thank you very much, Integrity, for coming to speak to the State Press.
Integrity: Thank you for giving me a chance to get my message across to people one last time before I die.
Unfortunately, that was the last time anyone talked with Integrity.
Jonathan Winkler is a mathematics sophomore. Reach him at jonathan.winkler@asu.edu.
