It's not every day you get to deliver fried chicken to a celebrity.
OK, so Brian Buck is no celeb, but I still felt a little nervous walking down the hall with my bucket of KFC, knowing he was in the next room watching Comedy Central's new movie Porn 'n Chicken with our assistant editor Joe.
Maybe it was the smell of chicken fat that made me queasy, but I almost dropped my biscuits knowing I was about to meet the man behind the not-so-elusive little black bar.
After all, I did throw a porn, pizza, pie and punch party in his honor just a few weeks ago, and I was dying to know what he would reach for first — my breasts or thighs. (The chicken, people, chicken!)
But why was I nervous? Why were my palms moist? And where was this strange yet satisfying tingly feeling coming from? He was just a regular guy.
OK, by "regular," I mean "horny." And by "guy," I guess I mean wannabe porn star, but still, was that any reason to act like a giggling schoolgirl in pigtails?
I later realized that the sweat on my palms was really just grease seeping out from the bucket onto my hands, and that tingly feeling was actually coming from my churning stomach. (One can consume only so much neck fat from a chicken.)
You've probably all had your fill of Buck by now. (Must...resist...urge for porn...pun.)
Even I have become weary of all the different plays our headlines have made on his last name. But when Comedy Central called us about its new original movie, Porn 'n Chicken, we couldn't help but wonder if Buck would rise to yet another occasion.
Would the self-made star of Shane's World watch a film with us about a group of Yale undergrads who make a porn film starring students? Better yet, would he gnaw on a drumstick of chicken while doing so?
To our shock, the answer was, "yes."
At first, I couldn't figure out his motive for wanting to participate. Does he love his newfound semi-celebrity status (perpetuated solely by media outlets like us)?
Is he somehow poking fun at the media by going to extremes in order to unveil our torrid pursuit of the "hot" item of the day? After all, Buck told us what he learned about media through his ordeal: "There must be slow news days," he says.
Or, is he simply a good sport, willing to poke fun at himself? Is there entirely too much poking going on here?
Whatever his reason, it was clear that Buck was more than a good sport. He grinned humbly as we shoved the bucket of breasts, wings, thighs and legs onto his lap and not so discreetly asked to take his picture. (By the way, he's a breast man.)
He laid out his story for what must be the hundredth time to a room full of curious reporters and editors. And he put up with what I'm sure was nothing more than my nervous babbling at the time.
I couldn't help but feel bad for the guy. How many others have asked him to eat chicken and smile for the camera since he decided to strip down?
OK, so probably only one, but you get the point. We've all been caught in unflattering moments we wouldn't want broadcast to the school or the country, even if it does earn a nod from Howard Stern and HBO.
I took off my clothes last semester at a nudist resort simply to get a story. There were pictures taken that showed me naked, sitting next to a 14-year-old girl (also naked) and a group of middle-aged guys (really naked) in a hot tub.
So, Michael Crow, where's my warning? Where's my lecture about violating the student code of conduct? (Message to Michael Crow: The previous statement was for effect only. Please disregard.)
While porn flicks and nudist resorts don't have any connection, Buck and I basically stripped down for the same reason: for the experience. And I'm now convinced that he did it — at least after the fact — to make a point as well.
Buck says he identifies with Porn 'n Chicken's message of doing what you want to do, when you want to do it. Or, as our assistant editor says, "If you want a pizza, order a pizza." Buck discusses this interesting theory and why it has sustained him this semester in Finger Lickin' Good.
Buck should have put a little more thought into taking his pants off given his position in student government, but just like the students in Porn 'n Chicken, which is based on a true story, he has chosen not to live by anyone's rules or standards.
And he's out to prove that he has committed no wrong — other than perhaps giving the student body a little too much to drool over.
Reach the editor at ashlea.deahl@asu.edu.
