International Olympic Committee chairman Jaques Rogge announced Monday that cockfighting, deemed illegal in many countries the world over, will become an officially-sanctioned Olympic sport at the 2004 summer games in Athens, Greece.
The sport is immensely popular with degenerate gamblers who would otherwise be thrown out of respectable casinos. Kent Flanders, a low-life gambler from Cleveland, said that he is "all about cockfighting."
"Oh yeah, cockfighting is where it's at," Flanders said. "My prize chicken, Mr. Purple Man, is 172-0. Of course, all chickens that are still fighting are undefeated...you know, 'cause they'd be dead otherwise."
Some people are not as excited about cockfighting being included as an Olympic sport as Flanders is, however. Jimbo Lovejoy, a member of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, said he finds defenders of cockfighting to be delusional.
"Oh won't someone please think of the chickens!" Lovejoy said. "Those roosters go off to die just so some white trash rube can make a few bucks. It's just terrible! The poor birds are all jacked up on steroids for crying out loud."
Stampy, world-champion cockfighter with a career record of 374-0, said that in contrast to popular opinion, cockfighters are the most luxuriously treated chickens in the world. Stampy speaks through his interpreter, the Chicken Lady.
"Damn, if it weren't for cockfighting, I'd probably be roasting away on some rotisserie or smothered in maple syrup at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles," Stampy said. "Human beings just don't get it. They have wrestling, football and the Ultimate Fighting Championship. We got nothin'. We got the big shaft in terms of animal evolution.
"If I were born to a different owner in a different place, I might be living in a 1-foot by 1-foot cage, fattening up so I could be served as a chicken taco. Instead, I have a chance to fight, a chance to live! I, for one, will not be a chicken taco!"
PETA has a plan in the works to dress in chicken outfits at the Olympic games to protest the competition.
"We're just thinking about the chickens, man, just thinking about the chickens." Flanders said. "Somebody's got to, and God knows they're too pea-brained to think about themselves."
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