Skip to Content, Navigation, or Footer.

Drunk students invent 'best game ever''


After a night of drinking on Saturday, four intoxicated students invented what they claim to be "the sweetest game ever." So sweet, they claim, that they call it "sweetball."

The ASU student co-creators are Jeff Wright, Steve Carr, Matt Bopp and Adam Capitan. Wright gave his impression of the game: "Hockey, basketball, soccer and golf are all pretty cool games right? But we figured, why not put them all together? I'm amazed nobody else thought of this."

The exact rules of the game are a little tough for the group to remember when sober, but they all agree that you can only really appreciate the game when drunk.

In their book in the works, tentatively titled The Sweet Guide to Sweet Ball, being drunk is listed as "rule numero uno." The other rules are as of yet undecided, but the group assures The Stale Mess that the kinks will be worked out pronto.

Carr became a bit more candid after a few drinks: "You sneak onto a golf course and the whole game takes place on a putting green between teams of two. The main goal is to kick the ball in the hole. But if the ball goes off the green, the receiving team gets a free-throw-in worth two points if they can make it in. It's intense."

Other elements include penalty time for obstructing the free-throw-in, a sweet-face-off at the beginning of the game and after every point scored, and an obligatory shot for the team on the losing side of each point.

Carr added that they have considered working baseball in there by giving everybody a "sweet bat," but they didn't want to do anything stupid.

When asked about the potential for being arrested during the game, the group agrees that the danger is what helps make the game so sweet.

"Just imagine how sweet basketball would be if the players were in constant danger of being arrested...never mind, I guess that's not much of a hypothetical. But it's still sweet to run from the cops."

While the group has suffered recent party flops such as "radstick," "flamecup" and "pukedrink," they are confident that sweetball is here to stay.

"It may be too early to call this the greatest game in American history," Capitan reflected, "but it's probably the sweetest one ever."


DISCLAIMER

This is called a disclaimer. A disclaimer is for nimrods that haven't caught on to the fact that the last issue of The State Press is The Stale Mess. All quotes and situations are completely fabricated. That means made up. Still confused? Look at the girl next to you. See her boobs? Touch them. That's right, they're fake. So is the The Stale Mess! Enjoy.


Continue supporting student journalism and donate to The State Press today.

Subscribe to Pressing Matters



×

Notice

This website uses cookies to make your experience better and easier. By using this website you consent to our use of cookies. For more information, please see our Cookie Policy.