While voicing my concerns over the upcoming war with Iraq on Tuesday, somebody had the nerve to call me "un-American." I was lumped together with a bunch of hippies, commies, liberals and (worst of all) French people.
Instead of reiterating my objections to you, I'm going to be more helpful and give you a little information you can use if you want to change my mind.
I haven't exactly figured out my price yet, but our allies in Turkey have pointed me in the right direction. Just like the Turks, I plan to trade my allegiance to this country's forthcoming war for the right amount of cash.
According to Wednesday's New York Times, Turkey is withholding its support for the war pending a $32 billion economic aid package from the United States.
Granted, Turkey can market itself in this situation much better than I can. It's close to Iraq and holds military bases we want to use in the upcoming invasion. Still, in spite of certain shortcomings I have, I feel that I would also be a powerful ally in the war effort.
I'll admit that Tempe doesn't exactly count as a strategic location for the upcoming war. Although I am something of a large man, I don't think our military could hope to launch F-16s off my ass.
Nevertheless, I do have this weekly opinion column, and if I happened to have a change of heart in support of the war, that might serve to shore up public support for the war on this campus.
Because, let's face it folks, this war is going to happen. The man with the power to make these decisions decided that a long time ago, and anything that makes things look otherwise is just a ruse.
We can't stop the war, so let's at least try to get rich off it. We can't change what's going to happen, so let's make damn sure we go for the highest possible price. Don't miss the lesson the Turkish government is teaching us all.
Somehow, most of us have lost the will to say or do anything about this war. It bears down on us like an impending monsoon, but our only response seems to be collective apathy. Yeah, I know there have been protests, but have they risen even close to the level of a political outcry? Often, they seem more like a whimper.
But there's one thing we can all stand up for, and it certainly isn't saving the lives of innocent Iraqi civilians. We can stand up for cash, we can stand up for tax cuts and a little bit more money in our pockets to waste conspicuously consuming gasoline made from Saudi oil. And indeed, because of the country's oil, we can stand up for the Saudi dictatorship, despite the fact that it oppresses its people far worse than Hussein ever has.
Write your representatives, but don't tell them you're against the war. Instead, tell them that all you want is a piece of the pie. Somebody is going to get rich off this war, so why not you?
Still, I can't tell you exactly what price to quote, as I haven't figured out exactly how much my soul is worth - ask the Turks for help with that.
Benjamin Thelen is a philosophy and political science senior. Reach him at benjamin.thelen@asu.edu.
