Don't get mad; get even. It's a lesson that one ASU student could have used last week.
When the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals showed up on campus on March 3, they enraged many students and faculty. Avi Beliak, a 21-year-old honors student, was one of the many people who were ticked off by PETA.
Beliak was arrested for vandalizing the PETA "Holocaust on your Plate" exhibit. While their ridiculous display deserved to be ruined, there are many other ways that Avi could have pissed off the PETA freaks without having his picture on the cover of The State Press looking like an insane troglodyte.
If Avi really wanted to get under the skin of PETA, he could have pointed to the fact that Pamela Anderson is a spokesperson for their organization. The infamous Anderson posed for a billboard in New York that showed her wearing nothing but lettuce. While this may be appetizing to some, it is important to remember that we're talking about Pamela Anderson here.
Avi could have mentioned the fact that Pamela Anderson is supposed to marry Kid Rock. That's right. Just imagine how embarrassing it would be for PETA members to be reminded that their poster-girl is about to marry Mr. "Bawitiba Bangjiggy biddy kitty" himself.
If that isn't bad enough, remind them of the fact that she was married to Tommy Lee. While Tommy Lee may be one of the greatest rock drummers ever, he's not exactly the most upstanding citizen.
Everyone remembers the little exploit that Tommy Lee and Ms. Anderson participated in. It featured Pam getting "naughty" with Tommy. If there was a large poster next to the PETA exhibit of Pamela Anderson wearing the lettuce bikini in her most "memorable" pose with Tommy Lee, that lettuce wouldn't be too appetizing anymore.
There have also been rumors that Tommy Lee gave Pamela Anderson hepatitis during their short but fascinating marriage. Whether that's true or not, it would be an interesting point to make to anyone who is thinking about tasting the fruits (or vegetables) of Anderson.
If people are somehow still interested in switching to vegetarianism, Avi could set up another exhibit of the horrors that vegetarianism has perpetrated against average human beings. What atrocities you ask? Rather than bore you with stats and things I call "facts," some personal tales will suffice.
One friend of mine was vegetarian for a number of years and will attest to the dangers of the vegetarian diet. Since he gave up meat, he needed something else to fill his tummy, namely breads and other foods that are packed full of carbohydrates.
Since he is a lazy man, the carbs went straight to his hips and left him much heavier than he was beforehand. Now that he is no longer a vegetarian and is back to a strict diet of sliced turkey straight out of the package, he is losing weight like an anorexic supermodel.
If vegetarians want to say that his lack of exercise made him the large individual that he was, Avi could point them in the direction of another friend of mine (who I'd be happy to introduce him to if need be).
This friend happens to be vegan, which is just another step toward a diet of twigs and berries (favorites of the troglodytes). He has been vegan for a number of years. Today, he is noticeably a little guy. There isn't really a nice way to put it, but he's scrawny. While he was always a little skinny guy, he admits that being vegan probably didn't help his cause.
If this doesn't grind PETA's onion enough, there is one flawless idea left for Avi to experiment with. First, Avi could go over to Jack in the Box. Then he should buy about 1207 big cheeseburgers, bring the burgers back to campus and set up a booth across from the offending display.
As students walked to and from their classes, Avi could hand out free cheeseburgers to all of the students. Not only would this display of free speech be the kind of thing that would derail the PETA train, but I would also get the chance to hang out all day and eat big cheeseburgers. Huzzah!
If PETA is going to come around and use shocking images to offend people into stopping their meat eating, then it is only right to turn around and bite down into a big delicious hamburger right in front of those inconsiderate fools.
It may be too late for Avi or other students to stick it to PETA, but if there are any other displays at the same level of idiocy making their way to this campus, remember that simple phrase: Don't get mad; get even.
Chris Fanning is a journalism sophomore. Reach him at christopher.fanning@asu.edu.
