The war is winding down!
While there were some things that we'll never forget, this wasn't our generation's Vietnam. However, there were still some images that will never leave our minds. The most memorable moment of the war has to be when Iraqis dragged Saddam Hussein's statue through the streets.
While it was great to see the people of Iraq finally express what they've wanted to do for a very long time, it was a little disappointing. I am saddened by the lack of creativity when it comes to disrespecting Saddam's image.
They can finally let loose all of those years of frustration, and all they do is hit the statue with their shoes?
Since these people have been held under the thumb of a dictator for a very long time, it's understandable that Iraqis don't know how to show some good disrespect for authority.
Therefore, I think it is our duty as Americans to show Iraqis how to really disrespect a symbolic piece of art.
Here are some ideas they might want to keep in mind if a similar situation ever presents itself again:
They could use the statue as a weapon against Saddam. It probably wouldn't be too difficult to take the statue and turn it into the Saddam X-51. This would be the only missile of its kind.
The statue would be used to attack Saddam in what would be known as his last stand. It would be an excellent way to tell Hussein to sod off. That's not very creative, so let's put that one in the "maybe" pile.
The next idea would be to sell the statue. After the statue has spent the entire day being dragged through the street and soaking in urine and spit, take the statue and sell it to Jelly Belly.
Those jellybeans come in every flavor imaginable, so the most obvious step would be to make Saddam-flavored jellybeans.
The jellybeans wouldn't taste EXACTLY like the dictator, but that's not important. The important thing is to send a message. What exactly would Saddam think if there were little kids all over America saying, "Look! I'm eating Saddam!"? That kind of treatment is sure to grind his onion.
This would not only piss off Saddam, it would bring the people who sold the statue a boatload of money. It would be a fad like Pac-Man, Cabbage Patch Kids or herpes.
People would be lining up to get his Saddam-flavored jellybeans. With all the money that they could make from this endeavor, Iraq would be able to buy anything it wanted.
Another idea would be to combine the statue with something Saddam hates: American culture. The plan here would be to send the head on a tour with the surviving member of Milli Vanilli.
Since Rob died, Fab from Milli Vanilli has been trying to start a new music career. What better partner than the head of Saddam? Just like the Milli Vanilli of old, the head would simply sit on stage with a microphone next to it while a tape played over the speakers.
Not only would it jumpstart Fab's career, it would piss off Saddam. Since Iraqis haven't been able to enjoy music, they probably still think Milli Vanilli is awesome.
While we all know what a joke Milli Vanilli is, Saddam probably views them as the hottest American group right now. To have his image "perform" such hits as "Blame it on the Rain" and please Americans on a nightly basis would humiliate the ruthless dictator.
While all these ideas sound like greats ways to disgrace the madman's image, there is one person for whom I would feel sorry. The guy who made Saddam's statue probably spent a lot of time working on it.
A project such as this normally would take about three years to complete. Imagine how much longer it would take if the guy who's forcing you to make the statue is Saddam.
If a mistake meant death, I'm sure it took no less than 15 years. No matter how he felt about Saddam, when the artist saw the statue being pulled down he had to be thinking, "Man, all that work for nothing."
While there would be feelings for the person who spent a good portion of his life working on this statue, it wouldn't change the fact that it would be fun to go hog-wild on a statue of Saddam.
Now, with these thoughts of rebellion, I can breath easily knowing that I have helped the liberation effort. I hope there will be a lot more creativity flowing when this column hits Iraq.
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Christopher Fanning is a journalist sophomore. Reach him at christopher.fanning@asu.edu.
