The ASU Department of Academic Excellence announced Monday that Ralph Backhaus, 25-year tenured professor of plant biology and gifted Ecstasy dealer, was named ASU's 2003 Professor of the Year.
Sponsored and supported by Trails, Backhaus' nomination came as no surprise to students.
"He's totally awesome," pharmacology sophomore Randy Krantz said about Backhaus. "He's always pushing us to do as much as we can ... And, um, oh yeah, he was a pretty good teacher, too."
In addition to his current citation, Backhaus gained notoriety when he was named Outstanding Scientist of the Association for a Good Freakin' Time by High Times magazine.
Despite being arrested for running a tri-state ecstasy ring from inside an ASU lab where he overlooked the manufacturing of the illegal narcotic, Backhaus never allowed his extracurricular activities to interfere with his pupils' education, which students said was inspiring and informative when they were sober enough to attend his classes.
Students and faculty added that Backhaus' teaching techniques were consistently "intoxicating," and his hands-on approach to education took them on many field trips to arboretums, elementary schools and local night clubs.
Kelly Griffith, a nursing junior, said she hopes her biology professor's recent incarceration in Phoenix's Estrella Jail won't impede his ability to give the community its fair dose of scientific enlightenment. "He really went above and beyond the call of duty. He was constantly offering outside help, anything from tutoring to free samples to massages," she said. "He even lent me his Paul Oakenfold CD."
Nicknamed "Backrub" Backhaus by his students, the professor said that he was always willing to lend a helping hand or two in the pursuit of higher education.
"I want people to feel good about what they're doing ... really good. I love you. Can I give you a hug?" he asked a reporter.
Backhaus also said that his dedication to Arizona's youth doesn't stop with the classroom. "If I do nothing else for this state than turn it into a hot spot for casual sex, date rape and drug addiction, all the while propelling these kids into a mindless, sensation-based, living-for-the-weekend lifestyle, then my job as an educator is done," he said.
Some of Backhaus' most ardent supporters come from the highest levels of academia and the community. ASU President Michael Crow applauded the fine product Backhaus was generating for students, and even inquired as to the professor's personal phone number.
"I, uh, want to congratulate him," he said.
Even Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio commended Backhaus' contribution to the local community.
"If it wasn't for morons like him," Arpaio said, "I wouldn't get to beat the shit out of anybody. I mean, somebody's gotta pay for my impotence."
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