Let's talk about a little thing called cultural anachronism. For those of you who don't know what anachronism is, here's my definition. It's when someone or something in a certain time period acts or speaks as if they were in another time period. For example, someone from a thousand years ago wouldn't say to his friend that a woman had a "really big crush" on him.
The new animated film from Dreamworks, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas is chock full of cultural anachronism. Our hero, or anti-hero, Sinbad (voiced by Brad Pitt) likes to talk with all the dry wit and sarcasm of a character on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
Here's the story. Sinbad is a successful thief who's currently trying to steal the Book of Peace, whose only power is, apparently, controlling the weather (When it's opened, the skies are blue; when it's closed, there is rain, sleet and lightning.). He discovers that the protector of this book is his old friend, Proteus (voiced by Joseph Fiennes).
The two friends go back to Syracuse, where Proteus is to be the future King. Sinbad meets Proteus' fiancé, Marina (voiced by Catherine Zeta-Jones), gets jealous and goes back to his ship. However, the god of chaos, Eris (voiced by Michelle Pfeiffer) has other plans and frames Sinbad for stealing the Book of Peace. When Sinbad is sentenced to death, Proteus takes his friend's place so Sinbad can find the book and save Syracuse from downfall; Marina tags along so she can ensure her fiance's safety.
The plot is also a big problem. Very quickly, Marina and Sinbad fall in love (thanks to incredibly anachronistic romantic banter), creating a love triangle. Of course, since no one in the audience will care about the hackneyed romance, this subplot is pointless. Also, the main plot about saving the Book of Peace is just uninvolving.
There is, however, action aplenty here. In fact, most of the action sequences are well-animated, fast-paced and thoroughly entertaining. A chase through a glacier and the opening fight sequence are well worth noting; they're the only memorable parts of the cartoon.
What can I say about the "acting?" Each character doesn't seem to have their own character; you can tell that they're all just disembodied voices. I never once forgot that Brad Pitt was just reading lines off of a script, nor did I for any of the other big-name actors. Frankly, if it wasn't for the talent, this would probably be a direct-to-video release.
John Logan, the scriptwriter, has ruined what could have been an interesting, action-packed cartoon, by adding in all sorts of hip lines for each character. It's been my finding that no one talks in such a hip manner; it's just how hack writers envision people talk.
I don't really know if kids will enjoy this movie. Maybe if your kids, or cousins, or brothers are 9 or 10-year old boys, they'll have a good time. Otherwise, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas is a forgettable, dumb and altogether boring cartoon.
Josh Spiegel is an entertainment reporter for the Web Devil. Reach him at joshua.spiegel@asu.edu.
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out of four stars
