These days it's just about impossible to escape the panoply of advertisements touting the praises of the Atkins Diet. We've seen commercials for everything from low-carb fast food to low-carb beer to low-carb condoms, yet the promise of rapid weight loss is always dubious. While the idea of achieving a Carnie Wilson-esque drop in LB's without the bother of laparoscopic gastric bypass surgery is no doubt alluring, it's always wise to think about what exactly is at stake.
First, carbohydrates are not anathema, although from recent advertising you'd think they were some sort of toxin developed by Hitler to kill homeless babies. Any reputable nutrition study will tell you that carbohydrates provide basic energy that helps the body function. There are definitely "bad" carbohydrates out there, but it doesn't take Dr. Andrew Weil to tell you that 44 ounces of Mountain Dew isn't your best choice. The problem is that most so-called "Atkins-friendly" or "carb-controlled" items aren't eliminating the right carbohydrates, like added sugar, but instead are offering an even unhealthier alternative.
Fast food restaurants are the greatest perpetrators of these bizarre Atkins manifestations. Now a featured menu item at Burger King is the Atkins-friendly Whopper, which is just the Whopper served without a bun -- a dining choice once reserved for crazy uncles, now en vogue the world over. While it's true that eliminating that hideous, vile sesame seed bun eliminates 260 calories, you're still left with a mind-boggling 38 grams of fat. It is both hilarious and disturbing that the latest diet fad is not "Hey, fatty! Don't eat that burger!" but simply removing the least tasty (and therefore least essential) part of the burger to fool yourself into thinking you're being healthy.
The gravest offender of this low-carb brainwashing is Subway, a place once famed for its healthy fare, which could transform even you from a hideous, fat slob to a preachy, four-eyed nerd. Subway's new Atkins-Friendly Wraps forego the traditional bread that has defined a sub sandwich to a thin tortilla-like wrap that, naturally, offers fewer carbohydrates. Yet these are still among the least healthy options on the Subway menu, as the carbohydrates are replaced with other things that will kill you.
The "Chicken Bacon Ranch" wrap combines two of the most obviously unhealthy foodstuffs known to man, bacon and ranch. The power of those two likely bedfellows add up to an artery-clogging 27 grams of fat, with nine of those grams the bad, saturated kind. The only "classic" Subway sandwich to compare is the meatball sub, and I think anyone over the age of six knows that thing's bad for you.
Subway's portrayal of these wraps as the healthy alternative is a dangerous message to send the willing populace. The traditional Subway options, like the 6-inch turkey breast, has nearly half the calories of these "healthy" wraps, despite possessing an evil, demonic bun, while also sporting 22.5 less fat grams.
Before you think that Subway is simply perverting the intent of the good Dr. Atkins, a quick check of the official Atkins Web site reveals that the new wraps are indeed endorsed by Atkins Nutritionals, Inc. The Web site is also suspiciously defensive, with one of the front page articles reading "Let Dr. Atkins Rest in Peace." Although it's a bit of a tired argument, let's be honest, the dude may very well have died of a heart attack. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the lifestyle.
The Atkins Web site delivers enticing propaganda of weight loss, and although this has surely worked for some people, it's not the right kind of long-term solution to offer anyone. Although it hovers upon some issues that make sense, like eliminating excess sugars from a diet, it does so in a roundabout fashion that simply seems like taking the easy way out. Gobbling up bacon and ranch dressing is the same lifestyle that killed grandpa, and it's not going to help you get into swimsuit shape this summer.
Albert Ching is a bacon wrapping and ranching freshman. Reach him at albertxii@hotmail.com.
