Not long ago I ended up at a political conference in Santa Barbara, Calif. that had me sharing a hotel room with a couple college kids from out of state. When they discovered where I went to school, ASU's party rep awed them into stunned silence. Some even kept their distance from me afterward, as if attempting to keep too much of my party from rubbing off on them.
Now, that really wasn't fair. We're not all diehard, partying alcoholics down here at ASU. Some of us are nerds.
"Nerd" might not be the right term. "Square" maybe, or perhaps "lesser socialite." Basically, if you've ever been to one of those happening parties and seen that one guy who doesn't drink, hovers awkwardly around the two or three people he came with, and looks regretful that he even came in the first place, that'd be one of us. If he was about 6-foot-5 and dressed like a retard, he was probably me.
We don't smoke, we drink little or not at all, we party rarely, and we can go to Las Vegas for five days but spend most of the time in the said city of debauchery holed up in a hotel room reading comics (again, that last one: me).
This isn't the moralizing pulpit, and I'm not here to judge or label anybody. You're sinful hedonists and we're prudish killjoys; we condemn you while you laugh at, and pity us. No labels here.
If I were the whining kind I'd whine that we are unfairly stereotyped and discriminated against. For instance, news stories about bars closing down later have zero relevance to MY people's "cultural experience." We could even think up some slogan to rally behind, like "We're here, we're square, so get used to it," but... nah.
Not to bust out the old saying of "I don't need to drink to have a good time," but I, uh, don't need to drink to have a good time. Fellow nerds back me up, though incidentally every one of them was offended at being interviewed for such purposes.
"Being square certainly does require more creativity," says English senior Greg Iannelli. "You have to actually think of interesting things to do."
Iannelli, who has been known to do things like read entire Dashiell Hammet books out loud for audiences of one, declined to elaborate.
"Yeah, it's not like I can't party or anything," adds sophomore David Geer, Japanese major and professional Mormon. "If I wanted to, I could take my mom's car down to GameWorks, and my girl and I would play 'Dance Dance Revolution' allllll night."
Geer later clarified that by "all night" he meant until 11:30.
Of course, with sentiments like that it's hard to fend off the dork image, but then it's too late for most of us anyway.
We of the "lesser socialites" have made our choices thus far in life, for reasons of religion, morality, practicality or taste. Many might question their decisions and wonder if they have indeed "wasted" their college years, or at least feel embarrassed.
Well, that grass generally does look greener from this side, I suppose. But, while staying in on a Saturday night to catch up on Stephen King might be kind of pathetic, I'm at a loss as to why it's more pathetic than, say, waking up next to a stranger. In Mexico.
Nerds? Hardly. Cautious introverts and spoilsports at the very worst, I say. We're just as cool and with it as the next person.
Sooooo... who won that Super Bowl thing?
Eric Spratling is a public relations senior. Make fun of his wretched, boring life at eric.spratling@asu.edu.
