Pocket your 39 cents and mourn a classic fast food institution; by the end of the year, McDonald's will no longer sell Super Size meals.
Evidently, it's unhealthy to consume five pounds of grease, sugar water and reconstituted potato product in one sitting.
The fast-food giant says it is phasing out the ogre-friendly meals in order to "simplify" the menu, but let's face it: fast food makes for fat bodies and Ronnie Mac is probably tired of getting sued. Their grease-laden meals have made Americans put on many a pound, and this is one way they can avoid the backlash of irresponsible eaters.
Nearly 60 percent of Americans are overweight, according to the Archives of Internal Medicine. And not only that, but while the majority of the population is already in need of a trendy diet more bodies continue to swell faster than a cartoon character with a fire hose in his mouth.
And while this fat (not phat) epidemic is a problem, it is doubtful that cutting out Super Size meals can save the day. Americans have already gotten accustomed to those extra pounds of food. Taking it away would be like weaning a junkie off his black-tar heroin. People are going to end up with the shakes if they can't have their extra fries or 44 ounces of soda, and chaos will ensue.
Okay. So the situation might not be that dramatic. It could be worse: Instead of just ordering one non-Super Size meal, people might start getting two Extra Value Meals, which will translate into not only extra fries and drink, but also extra Big Mac.
We fear this move might signal a dangerous trend for McDonald's. What's next? Pushing salads instead of fries? All-white-meat McNuggets? Wait a second ...
Litigious folks who have had one too many Double Quarter Pounders shouldn't take out their woes on Hamburglar and the gang. Especially not Grimace, dude's got his own weight problems.
Still, these people are changing the very soul of what McDonald's is all about. The fast-food mogul is a U.S. institution, and super sizing is just a reflection of our hedonistic, overindulgent, bigger-is-better mentality. Mickey D's is as American as baseball and apple pie in little red boxes. The Golden Arches are what they are because we want it even though we know we shouldn't have it.
If Americans are concerned about getting fat, there are some things called "get off your duff" and "eat less food." McDonald's is a delicacy that shouldn't be eaten every day. So please save this cultural institution. If the sound of your thighs shooshing together should compel you to find a lawyer and sue the clown pants off Ronald, remember the secret to eating, and life: everything in moderation.
And if that doesn't work, just go for the liposuction.
