If ever you've taken the time out to see any genre of movie in your life, then I can guarantee that you have seen Laws of Attraction before. Not only have you seen this type of cheesy romantic comedy before, but you have seen a better one. Laws of Attraction is a movie that neither Pierce Brosnan nor Julianne Moore will boast about on their resume in the near future, nor will it ever pop up on a lifetime tribute show should either actor get to such a time in their career (and that's very likely still).
An easier way to put my dislike and indifference towards Laws of Attraction is as follows: when the opening credits sequence is the best part of the movie, we have a major problem.
Brosnan plays Daniel Rafferty, a rakish, rumpled and raffish (I wonder if there's cheap symbolism behind that surname!) divorce attorney who manages to screw up the already-too-hectic life of rival divorce attorney Audrey Miller, portrayed by a horribly miscast Moore. She is shown as extremely neurotic: when she gets antsy or anxious, she high-tails it to the ladies' room for a Snowball. Yes, I certainly haven't seen any movie that gives us a candy-loving, neuroses-filled heroine before.
Anyway, Miller and Rafferty, who are supposedly the best of the best in New York City, square off against each other a fair number of times. At first, Miller is sure she can walk all over Rafferty, since she finds him (as do we) asleep in court before a hearing begins; it turns out that he's a natural charmer, getting the judge (Nora Dunn; she can't get any better work than this?) and even Miller under his sway.
Pretty quickly, Miller realizes that Rafferty is the hardest foe she's met, and miserably fails at trying to crack him. Over the course of the first act, they both win and lose cases, go mano-a-mano and so on and so on. But then comes the night when they go out drinking, which leads to sex and other things. They are now, oddly enough, a couple. This is a pairing whose enjoyment comes out of bickering over divorce cases. How strange.
The big case here is between rock star Thorne Jamison and his wife Serena. They want a divorce, and go to Miller and Rafferty, respectively. The case leads them to Ireland; certain complications arise and eventually, after one drunken evening, Miller and Rafferty wake up with weddings rings. They're married! After a night of heavy drinking! How professional! The rest of the movie deals with this final plot twist, and whether Miller will fall in love with Rafferty, etc., etc., etc. Like I said, you've seen it before, and you know how it ends.
I guess it should come as no surprise that the story and screenplay was co-written by Aline Brosh McKenna, who also inflicted the atrocious pain of Three to Tango on America not 5 years ago. When I saw who else was responsible for the script (Robert Harling, who gave us the funny movies Soapdish and The First Wives Club), a ray of hope flickered in my mind, but it's obvious that the unoriginality and hackneyed nature of the script is all McKenna.
I remember thinking that Julianne Moore is not the type of woman to star in such a shrill comedy, and guess what? I was right. There is no questioning the fact that Julianne Moore is a fine actress, one whose previous films will overshadow her latest for a long time to come. However, for the here and now, she's awful. Every one of her lines is spoken as quickly as possible, and as frantically as can be. Was she told to be loud, too? Or was that simply an idea Moore thought up?
Pierce Brosnan, while not being able to save himself from the proceedings, certainly does a much better job than his female counterpart. There were a few times when his acting reminded me of Hugh Grant's in Two Weeks Notice, an equally atrocious movie saved by Grant. Brosnan's certainly a capable and willing actor here, but nothing in his performance makes me pine for him to be the next Valentino. For now, Pierce, stick to Bond.
The only other actors worth noting here are Michael Sheen, Parker Posey and Frances Fisher. Sheen & Posey play the rock-star couple seeking divorce; their acting wavers between as loud and shrill as Moore & having fun with the role. Just another reason why Parker Posey should be acting a lot more, folks. Fisher plays Moore's mother, a woman obsessed with looking about as young as her daughter. It's, like the rest of the show, completely unoriginal, but Fisher makes it fun.
Director Peter Howitt gets only a little credit from me here: he makes Ireland look lush and beautiful. After last week's Man On Fire, which painted Mexico City as negatively as possible, Laws of Attraction certainly made me want to jump on a plane and get to Dublin as soon as possible.
Laws of Attraction is another throwaway movie. Couples will see it even though the movie is as easy as a connect-the-dots puzzle.
There will be two or three scattered laughs in the theater. So if you have no good reason to see this movie, or even anyone to see it with, don't waste your money.
Josh Spiegel is an entertainment reporter for the Web Devil. Reach him at Joshua.spiegel@asu.edu
