It is late in the evening. You and your beloved have just returned home from a romantic, candlelit meal. You enter the bedroom, where things start to heat up on the satin sheets of your darling's canopy bed. Suddenly your partner unleashes a scream worthy of Jacko's "Thriller" video. Horror of all horrors -- neither of you has remembered to bring condoms!
Never fear, my amorous friend. Just move to Sweden, where the emergency prophylactic service began its rounds Friday. With this new service, couples that come up empty-handed in the heat of passion can just pick up a phone and dial #696969 (yes, that's really the number) for immediate delivery of 10 wrapped condoms at a lower price than they could be bought at the store.
The Swedish Organization for Sex Education, a non-governmental organization based in Stockholm, is behind the plan. Its goal is to create increased usage of condoms, especially among young people. "It is about 50 percent about pregnancy and about 50 percent about sexually transmitted diseases," said SOSE marketing manager Carl Osvald to Reuters.
The new service sounds like a dream come true. With it there need be no more futile fumbling in the bed stand and no more embarrassed, hushed conversations. The service, with its white vans emblazoned with winged red condoms, can speed in to preserve the dignity, safety and libido of passionate Swedes.
But like all things that seem too good to be real, the protection patrol is not all it's cracked up to be. In fact, the condom ambulances will only be revving their engines in the Swedish metropolises of Stockholm, Malmo and Gothenberg, and they're only between the hours of 4 and 9 p.m.
Such a tight schedule makes for some carefully planned nookie time and doesn't even leave room to catch a late flick before heading into the bedchamber.
The problem is that the service is obviously not aimed at couples that have planned ahead and are thus likely to have condoms available. Rather, it is intended for the unprepared, those whose sexual experiences are unplanned or who have a surprise rendezvous.
Now, I know very few people who can claim to have had a random sexual encounter at 4 in the afternoon. Not to say that it never happens before 9 p.m., but most hook-ups tend to occur in the wee hours of the morning, often after a few drinks. They are called one-night stands, not one-day stands or one-evening stands, for a reason.
Ah, sex. What trouble it causes lawmakers and aid groups. It would be so easy if only people could be trusted to make good decisions and think about safety. But, since we as a species are so patently unable to exercise good judgment in the heat of the moment, organizations like SOSE have to fill the void.
Though the plan seems too limited to make any significant difference, I applaud the Swedish aid group for taking a step in the right direction. Instead of trying to legislate morality, the SOSE decided to acknowledge the reality of young people having sex, and then tackled that issue with tangible solutions.
As SOSE's Osvald said, "We need to change attitudes about condoms. If we need to get out of the bedroom to make things better, we will do it."
Well said, Mr. Osvald. The Trojan Van itself is not a Band-Aid cure for unwanted pregnancy or STDs in Sweden, but it could facilitate discussion among Swedish health organizations and lawmakers. It is a strong emblem of sexual openness and shows a willingness to seek unconventional solutions to sexual dilemmas.
Perhaps the United States should take the hint. It is not too late to cast aside our Puritan cloaks and join the protection posse. This Swedish group has done the unthinkable: made condoms even easier to acquire without concern for the "eroding moral fiber" of their nation.
Katie Kelberlau is a senior history and religious studies major. She can be reached at Katherine.Kelberlau@asu.edu.
