A tragic miscarriage of justice will transpire Sept. 21 and we're all powerless to stop it. You can already hear the pained wails resulting from the incident--like millions of voices crying out in unison...and then suddenly silenced.
The spirit-crushing incident in question is the DVD release of the original "Star Wars" trilogy. At face value, this long-awaited event has seemed like a genre movie buff's wet dream, as the beloved movies haven't been available in that format. DVD aficionados had to sit idly by for years while whole seasons of "Saved By The Bell" were churned out on disc and the iconic space opera was only on VHS.
Yet something happened to the "Star Wars" trilogy in recent years to lessen the joy of such a moment--a loss of innocence much like Han Solo's realization of his old friend Lando Calrissian's reluctant double cross in "Empire Strikes Back."
For those who don't remember (or simply were too busy listening to Third Eye Blind to notice) 1997 saw the theatrical re-release of the original three "Star Wars" films. It was like manna from heaven for our generation of scruffy nerf herders, who weren't in this mortal coil when the movies originally debuted.
The movies had been inspiration for an entire generation of young boys and girls (okay, mainly boys) to pursue careers as Jedi masters, Sith lords or effeminate robots--and it could finally be witnessed on the big screen.
The excitement was heightened even more when announced that the films would be "special editions" because, gosh, that sounded pretty neat. But when it became clear exactly what these changes involved, fans began to notice what an incredible smell they discovered.
Perhaps the most astounding alteration was Greedo, a sleazy bounty hunter, shooting first. He was hired to collect on Han, who being the hip, cavalier Harrison Ford-type, was wise to the dude's scheme. Solo tagged him with his blaster and "fried poor Greedo like that."
At least that's how it originally happened. In the special edition Greedo initiates the attack, although the re-editing makes it look more like he tried to annoy Han with a laser pointer than fire at him with a space gun.
The special editions also offer supposedly improved effects, including computer-generated creatures hanging out in scenes that weren't there in the past. The first film, "A New Hope," had dewbacks - an entirely new creation of the special edition -- running around the Tatooine desert. These dewbacks were primarily for comedy, Stormtroopers falling off of them like some bad Jerry Lewis bit. Applying 1997 technology to a film from 1977 was misguided in the first place, akin to Prodigy sampling Led Zeppelin -- it just doesn't fit.
Undoubtedly the most offending abuse of this new technology was an extended musical sequence in "Return of the Jedi". Jabba's band gives a performance that would look ridiculous even in one of those straight-to-video Disney sequels like "Pocahontas 12: Endgame." It's an absurd shift in tone that takes the viewer right out of the film. A wise man once likened it to inserting scenes from "Willow" into "The Lord of the Rings."
So when the DVDs were announced, naive nerds across the nations hoped they would at least include the original cuts of the movie. No such luck.
George Lucas refuses to acknowledge the existence of the original versions, insisting that the special editions are the droids you're looking for. To make matters worse, Lucas and his Industrial Light & Magic goon squad have further altered the movies, despite obvious outcry from fans to do the exact opposite.
The DVD release includes the most insidious change yet: editing out the late Sebastian Shaw's appearance as a force-imbued spirit at the end of "Return of the Jedi." Shaw played Anakin Skywalker, and he's been replaced with -- you guessed it -- dreamy yet acting-challenged Hayden Christensen (the new Anakin). Not only does this not make a whole lot of sense within the context of the movies, but it also opens up the possibilities for filmmakers to further screw with technology and could conceivably cut actors out of royalty fees for video releases.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Albert Ching is a journalism senior. Reach him at albert.ching.>
