With finals all finished and the holidays near,
Sun Devils have all returned home, I fear.
Each paper was submitted to varying success,
And it's time to enjoy some well-deserved rest.
Your friend asks to hang out to trade stories from school.
Little do you know, she'll make you look like a fool.
Your bestie's got a boyfriend, or worse, a fiancé!
Start saving up now, cause the wedding's in May.
Fret not, for the hometown crush is waiting for you
To keep you stable 'til spring, and ruin your life, perhaps, too.
But he's surely changed since he broke your heart last,
And it's a season of forgiving, so best forgive fast.
The holidays are a time to rethink and reset
And take detailed stock of the hot men that you met.
A situationship isn't good for the soul,
But that matters so little during the winter break lull.
You'll plot and you'll scheme and you'll message a bunch,
Until you secure a "Would you like to get lunch?"
It's a small victory, but a win, nonetheless.
You can use this man to relieve a bit of your stress.
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Don't worry, don't fuss, this is all sure to end.
Come January 12, you'll be back to just friends.
You'll ponder and ask yourself, "What could it have been?"
But my dear, don't forget — he's a four, you're a ten.
And Michael Crow misses you, he's sad and upset.
ASU can't wait to see you go into more debt.
The semester approaches, the tuition so large,
And I hope you've been saving to pay your surcharge.
But winter break is not the time to obsess
Over payments and loans and the financial aid mess.
Forget fees, disbursements and that terrible lot.
Hang out with your friends and take a handful of shots.
For break is a time to get drunker than drunk,
But whatever you do, please don't DM the hunk
Who you met at a frat party back in Tempe.
I'm begging you, pleading, please give him to me!
For just like you, I went home for this time,
Where the crush will not be impressed by my rhymes.
I'm painfully single and lonelier than most.
I have extraordinarily little of which I can boast.
When I attend Christmas dinner with uncles and aunts
And family members engaged in habitual rants,
Someone will ask me, "No boyfriend in tow?"
My screams will travel back to Michael M. Crow.
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It's important, you see, to take advantage of break
To enjoy the company of a man named Jake,
Or John, or Bill, or Daniel, or Chris,
Anyone to give you that New Year's Eve kiss.
So enjoy it, I say, and forget what's to come:
A spring semester that will leave you quite numb.
As classes resume, so too does the pain.
And the hometown crush is a way to stay sane.
Enjoy the good times, for they surely won't last.
In fact, by now, they may already have passed.
But I hope with this poem you now comprehend
The texts and DMs it's now time to send.
Edited by Sophia Braccio, Henry Smardo and Pippa Fung.
Reach the reporter at coyer1@asu.edu and follow @carstenoyer on X.
Like The State Press on Facebook and follow @statepress on X.
Carsten Oyer is a sophomore studying journalism and mass communication, as well as public service and public policy. This is his second semester with The State Press, having previously worked as a politics reporter.
