Not to berate you guys (again), but just in case the half dozen of you who actually plan on voting this year need any more motivation to change the way this country is run, I bring you the recent exploits of the Hot or Not guys.
That's right. The Bay-area duo responsible for hotornot.com (and the subsequent thousands of hours spent in the college dorm looking for your friends' pictures online) felt the need to create another dot-commotion. And they've thought of just the trick to do it.
Enter voteornot.com. The Hot or Not guys have apparently decided that since they've already taken all of your money by showing you pictures of pretty girls and guys, they'd share a little of the wealth. (Besides, they've got all the dates they can handle these days).
All you have to do is register at their site, promise to vote (or not, I suppose) and wait for their Hot or Not benefactors to pull your name out of the hat -- all to the tune of $100,000.
I'm glad someone finally had the brains to figure out what drives the American electorate. It's not about where John Kerry spent Christmas in 1968 (Cambodia or not, if you believe everything that you read). And it's certainly not about a pre-emptive war fought over imaginary WMDs (or not). It's all about the money, kids.
Or as one of the patron saints of the dot-com boom taught us, "It's the economy, stupid." And I know what would help my own personal economy: someone else's money.
Youth voters obviously can't find anything to get them excited about Nov. 2. And since the draft isn't coming back anytime soon to motivate you to get to the polls (or to class for that matter) maybe some cold hard cash can do the trick.
Just think about what you could do with such an unexpected windfall. Here comes the end of phone calls begging mom and dad for money, washing your clothes in the kitchen sink or throwing in for a case of ramen noodles with all your buddies.
You could send a poor child to college, or fund the war in Iraq for about a second and a half. Financial independence awaits, kids, and it's not in your Powerball ticket. It's in the ballot box.
So forget everything about changing the world or having your voice actually matter for a change. The prospect of having your voice heard in Washington will be a lot easier with 100 grand, anyway.
Register to vote, mark your calendar and get ready to camp outside your local polling place for that chance at financial glory.
It's that easy. The Hot or Not guys will even direct you to a link with instructions on how to register to vote. This isn't rocket science, people. Money makes the world go 'round, and this is a surefire way to make yours spin a little faster.
Nothing makes friends or influences people like the power of the dollar. Besides, you might run into the girl or guy of your dreams waiting in line at the polls.
Brian Clapp is a biology and political science senior. Reach him at brian.clapp@asu.edu.
