"Sahara should have been left in the desert."
These are words coming from my boss, John Bieber, who hasn't even seen the movie.
He warned me what to expect, but I wanted to keep an open mind and see it anyway, and boy, was it horrendous piece of film. �As I was viewing this movie, I kept on thinking of a reason why I should give it a rose. �I really want to give Sahara a rating of 1 out of 5 roses but I couldn't.
The only reason I didn't walk out was because I was jammed in the middle of a long row and didn't want to crawl over people. �In addition, I thought it was going to get better because I am an optimist, but even the biggest believer that the glass is half full will just think the glass is empty when seeing Sahara.
The characters of Matthew McConaughey, Steve Zahn, and Penelope Cruz are a disgrace to the cliched handsome hero, comic relief side character and sexy damsel in distress they portray, respectively.
I don't know what look McConaughey was going for. His over-the-top dyed black hair and beard, orange artificial tan and thick Texan accent make him an odd hybrid of a Californian, New York, Texan and Middle Eastern man. �Instead of acting, it seemed that he was only getting paid for every small smile he flashed on the screen.
Steve Zahn made this bad film worse with his jokes. His dialogue was, "a barren wasteland of comic relief," my boss quipped. �Finally, as far as Penelope Cruz goes, a Bond girl has more character and flair than she does. �Whereas Matt and Steve play Ex-Navy Seals turned to entrepreneurial treasure hunters, she is a medical doctor who makes Denise Richards' role as a nuclear physicist Oscarworthy in believability.
At first the audience assumes that Sahara is a treasure hunting movie similar to the successful National Treasure. �There's a "fake" history lesson in the beginning, and then Sahara shifts gears to two men (McConaughey and Zahn) who want to dig up this lost ship from the civil war. �Within the first quarter, the movie cuts to Cruz and how she wants to rid Africa of a violent plague. �Eventually all three of them join forces to rid Africa of this plague while fighting off evil warlords and crooked politicians who want to keep the plague going. �Confusing? �I think so.
I don't understand this movie. �I don't understand why it was made in the first place. �When people say to me that Hollywood only saves their best movies for the summer and holiday Seasons, I sure believe them when I see sloppy work like this.
Monis Rose is a movie reviewer for the Web Devil. Reach him at monis.rose@asu.edu.
Rating: 0 out of 5 roses
5 roses: See it more than once and buy the DVD
4 roses: Once is good enough to remember it
3 roses: A little 2-3 hour vacation from the harsh realities of the world
2 roses: Think about other things the entire movie
1 rose: Want to forget it the moment you get out
